Choices and Agency

Friday Z was invited to play Rock Band at a friends house after school. I have not met this friend or his family before and based on the address of where he lives, I automatically prejudged and was uncomfortable with the situation. After visiting with the father of the boy, I agreed that Z could go over after school but he would not be staying the night. I would let him eat dinner there and play until bedtime but then I would come pick him up and bring him home to sleep in his own bed.

Z called me after school to let me know that he was at his friends house and I told him to have a good time and I would see him about 10 p.m.

At exactly 9:59 p.m. Hubby and I pulled into the friends driveway. The neighborhood was worse then I had imagined but this house was the cleanest on the street so my hopes were somewhat calmed. As I walked up to the door, Z's friend waved to me from the front window. I thought, "Okay, I have totally misjudged this young man and his family."

The boy opened the door and I just about blew over from the rush of smoke that came rushing out in my face. I started coughing and strained to look through the cloudy room to find Z. Suddenly this bald headed man with buggy eyes and raunchy breath is shaking my hand and asking me to come in and sit for a minute while they finish their game. My first instinct was to grab my innocent child and run. I decided to... against my instincts, and went in to watch the game.

Rock Band is a video game. I don't know much about it but Z was the guitar player, the friend had the microphone and he was the singer, and the father was the drummer. They selected a final song and began to play. I was overwhelmed by the environment. I was watching Z "rock out" with this group, and wanted to cry. As I took a deep breath and looked around the room, I noticed this huge man with a really long pony tail (I'm judging again, I know) sitting in the corner, drinking and smoking. He was creepy. I saw this small girl playing with a doll in the hallway. There were some Greg Olsen paintings of Christ on the wall (ODD!) and there was garbage and filth everywhere. The house was filled with this strange smell of incense. I couldn't help but cough a few more times.

My attention turned back to the game. I couldn't understand the words the boy was singing at all so I decided to read them off the TV screen. The song was The Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden. The words were something like 6...6....6....(something about Satan and sacrifice and other scary words).

The song ended, they high fived each other or some weird guy thing, we kindly thanked them for inviting Z over for the evening, and I grabbed Z and ran for the door. Fresh air and freedom never felt so good. We got in the car and left. Hubby said we stunk. I told him that was the good part. Z coughed all the way home. I made him shower and wash his clothes. He went to bed coughing, and had a really big head ache. He slept all day Saturday, and said that his chest hurt from coughing so much. Z had a fever for most of the day.

We talked about the evening, and we agreed that he would not be going back. The friend can come here and we can meet them places but their home is not a place where he wants to be. I was very relieved and grateful for his decision. It's hard to bite my tongue and let my kids begin to choose for themselves what they want in their lives.

Z told me that another friend was telling him that in 4 years the world will be destroyed by volcanoes in the ocean. He asked me if this was true. I told him the Jesus still has to come and reign so we know the end of the world is not yet. He then asked if when Christ comes and there is no evil, is that because our free agency will have been taken away from us?

Today the kids are home from church again because we still have fevers and coughs. The girls have been listening to the music of My Turn on Earth by Carol Lyn Pearson. If you are not familiar with this story, it is about a girl named Barbara and her story of before life, her turn to come to earth, the lessons she learnes, and then eventually death. As I have listened to this story today and the words in the songs, I am reminded of how important our free agency was to us in the pre-earth life and that whether it is my 1 year old H fighting to do things all by himself or my 12 year old Z making choices about friendships and environments, it is important that with my guidance they are allowed to make the choices themselves. As much as I would like to protect them and do it all for them, they also earned that right to come to earth and experience agency for themselves.



Heavenly Father really does have a perfect and beautiful plan.