Sad Face

I was planning to return some borrowed dishes and since I hate to return them empty, I made a pan full of brownies to go with them.

My kids wanted to taste them so I cut off the edges of the brownies for them to eat.

When the edges were all eaten, the kids still wanted more. I told them the rest were to give away.

Kate sadly asked, "To who?"

I said, "To our friends to help make them happy."

Then I thought it might help make it easier to give them away if I involved the whole family in the project.

I told them that the recipe was called "Brownies for a crowd" so there were plenty to give away.

I asked, "Did you see anyone at church today that looked sad that maybe a plate full of brownies would help them feel better?"

Kate excitedly nodded her head yes.

I was thinking, "Wow, this is going to be a great lesson in service and compassion for others."

I asked her who she had seen that was sad that she thought we should give some brownies to.

She made her best "sad face" and said, "ME!"


Ken piped up and said, "And we're a crowd!"

The dishes that needed to be returned are still on my counter and the pan of brownies is now empty.

I guess it's a good thing that brownies are easy to make. :)

"The greatest gift I ever received came from God...my family."

and

"The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home." President Harold B. Lee

Decisions Determine Destiny

Yesterday the youth in our stake attended a youth encampment which was themed "Decisions Determine Destiny." My two older boys attended and have been talking about it since. They were priviliged to hear from our own Elder Nelson who is now a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy. He spoke to them about how their futures will be determined by the choices they make today. Zach and Justyn are in charge of our Sunday Evening Meeting and they will teach us more of what they learned. I love watching their testimonies grow.

Justyn passed the sacrament today for the second time but since I was in the hall with Henry last time, this was the first time I got to watch him. I was so proud of him...his young handsome body dressed in a white shirt and tie, looking so grown up and responsible, trying so hard to honor his priesthood and perform his newly called duties to perfection. Sensing his doubt and glimpsing his lack of confidence, I felt my emotions rise as I fought back my desire to reassure him and offer him guidance. Unable to help him, I just watched as he did his best and took cues from the other men also passing the sacrement. At the completion of the passing of the sacrament, he took his seat behind the bishop, this being his first week assigned as the bishop's messenger. I saw a look of relief cross over his face as he sunk into his cushioned chair. He glanced at me, I smiled at him, he smiled back and then sat a little taller, realizing that he had survived and that he had done a good job. Again my emotions welled up inside me as I felt his pride and watched his confidence grow. I love my mom job!!

The first speakers topic was on choices. I loved her talk. She explained that we are given our free agency to make our own choices but we are not free to choose the consequences. She then related it to a farmer planting crops. If a farmer plants peas, he cannot expect to harvest peaches. We sow what we reap. OUR DECISIONS DETERMINE OUR DESTINY!!!

Which led me to once again ponder a question that has weighed heavily on my mind the last several months. Okay, just about 2 years now. Who am I? and What am I supposed to do with my life? I understand that my decisions affect my future. Even bigger than that is the realization that my decisions affect the future of those around me also. So what goal am I working towards?

I always knew that I would grow up, get married, and have children. So, at the young age of ...gulp...34, I have gotten older, I did marry, and I had children. Now what? I've changed diapers for 14 years now, I've done thousands of loads of laundry, cleaned my house every day only to have it all undone before the day was over, kissed away a million tears, listened to childhood prayers, listened to endless hours of chattering and laughter, saved boxes full of drawings and love notes, and I have loved every minute of it.

I boxed up all my maternity clothes and handed them over to my younger sister last week and faced the reality that I would never be in the "maternity hand me down" rotation again. I gave my crib and baby items to the D.I., my changing table went in the garbage, and I boxed up the last of the under size 2 clothing sizes that came through the laundry, getting them ready to pass back to my sister. I am done folding tiny onesies and footed sleepers, baby blankets and spit towels. And while I know it's okay, I sometimes feel the sting of knowing I'm finished with that phase of my life.

So what's next on my to-do list? I've done the three big ones. Honestly, I fill like a fish out of water. I don't know what I'm working towards now. Oh yeah..., missions, graduations, marriages.

But my kids don't need me like they used to. I'm realizing that my role is changing and I find myself often watching from the bench, praying for their success, and sending them a smile and word of encouragement every chance I get. I'm just not sure I'm ready to let them go quite yet....don't they still need me?

Yes, I know they do...but my role is different now. I still have little ones that need my attention, and the cooking and cleaning will always be incomplete. I also know that no matter how old they get, there will still be tears that need kissed away, dreams to be listened to, accomplishments to applaud, hands to hold, sounds of chattering and laughter to be enjoyed as memories are created, and sometimes even a child curled up in my lap, offering a moment of escape and safety from the outside world.

So,Who am I? That's an easy one. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter of goodly parents, and I am a child of God!

And, What am I supposed to do with my life? I asked my Heavenly Father that question in prayer recently and my answer was "FOCUS ON ETERNITY while FINDING JOY IN THE JOURNEY!"

As I continue to "grow up", my understanding of how my decisions determine my destiny becomes so much clearer. I have so much to learn and so far to go to my goal of perfection and exaltation. For now, I can only take baby steps, focusing not only on the future that I can comprehend with my physical mind, but on eternity. And since I'm going, I might as well look for and create joy along the way. And I will follow the words of President Hinckley “try a little harder to be a little better” (Ensign, May 1995, 88).

So much to do, so much to learn, no time to waste.

I'm off to make dinner, do dishes, have our family meeting with my children, listen to prayers, clean up messes, wipe dirty faces, change another diaper, return dishes to my neighbors, take a walk with my husband, and undoubted a few other unexpected things before I finally think about going to bed myself, but I love who I am becoming and I love the way I chose to learn it.

I have six beautiful children, and a wonderful husband. My life is good!