For the last couple of weeks we have watched Zach's countenance change. He has become so sad and distance from us. Whenever we try to talk to him he gets so frustrated and locks himself in his room for hours. I know he's growing up, I remember being a teenager, but I'm not sure I like this very much. I miss his smile and goofy comments.
Ken and I have been praying about what to do to help him. We decided that the music he was listening to was having a huge affect on his spirit. We tried to talk to him about the words in the songs and the messages that were in them. He said he couldn't understand the words, it was all about the beat and the noise. We looked up the lyrics to several of his songs and showed him that the words were all about sex, violence, drugs, and even suicide. He was shocked but brushed it off as "this is what every one listens to!" He agreed to clean up his playlist but now what? He was still fighting us.
In Relief Society last week, the teacher played the song "Standard Bearer" by the group 4 Ordained. It was so beautiful! I went home and looked the group up on the internet. They are four young men who are in their first year of college, attended the same high school, and are all preparing to serve mission after one year of college. I got it! He needed better choices and good role models to pattern his life after.
Ken and I went the bookstore and bought some LDS music that we thought he would enjoy. Not churchy stuff but music for teenage boys. (There's not much to choose from...lots of female singers but few male voices).
When we picked him up from after school detention on Friday... :( ...we told him we bought him some new music. He was excited. I told him "this is a CD that Dillan listens to" (Dillan is in YM with Zach, his mom taught the lesson). He thought that was cool. Then we handed him one called "Not your mother's LDS music". That one made him laugh. The next one was called "Especially for Dance". He thought that one was cool. Then we handed him one called "Worship" by a group called Octapella. We told him this was one he might enjoy on Sundays since it was hymns. He looked at the CD's for a moment, looked at us funny, and then said, "Are these all church music?" Ummm...Yes? He handed them back to us and said, "No thanks, keep your church music. I know what you're trying to do." Well, that went well!
The next day was Saturday and we went to the school to watch Shaelynne and Justyn perform "Alice in Wonderland". While there we decided to slip in and visit with the teacher who had given Zach detention the day before. He was very kind, he said that Zach just had some late assignments and didn't seem to care anymore. He said that Zach's attitude had changed over the last two weeks. He was very withdrawn and sad. He was getting sloppy with his work and uninterested in everything and everyone around him. Ken and I decided it was time for drastic intervention.
We went home, got dinner started and then told Zach we wanted to to go for a ride with us. The three of us drove out to the airport and parked alongside the runway. Zach loves airplanes so this was a good place to get him to relax. We told him about our conversation with his teacher. We asked him to talk to us, we aren't the enemy. Ken explained that while we are his parents here on earth, we are really just his brother and sister. We aren't trying to ruin his life, we just have been 13 before and we want to help him not make the same mistakes we made.
He opened up to us and told us about some problems at school. He explained to us that he feels like when he leaves the house he is going into battle and he only has a sword to protect himself. He feels outnumber and very unprotected. He fights like crazy all day long and when he returns home he is wounded and exhausted. He just wants to have a safe place to come to where he can heal his wounds and rest so that he will be prepared to fight again the next day. He said it's so hard to honor his priesthood when no one else around him does. He feels like he is the only one fighting for truth. He is all alone on his side of the battle field.
I was blown away by his analogy. My thought was "we need to get you some more armor and I need to make sure our home is a safe place for you to rest and heal." What a powerful lesson he taught me. I then thought of those 4 young men preparing to serve missions. I told Zach that he didn't have to be alone and he could wear more armor than just a sword. I told him about those 4 boys preparing to serve missions and that their songs were just their testimony. There may not be boys at school who would fight with him but he definitely was not fighting this battle alone. He agreed to listen to their songs and decide for himself if he liked it.
Once home we listened to the CD. He loved it. He went through all the music we had bought him and liked every thing. I cried.
He went up to his room to listen to his music and get ready for bed. A few minutes later Shaelynne came downstairs. She told us that Zach had just said, "I think mom and dad have been trying to tell me something." Good thing we finally figured out how to communicate using his language.
