Today, Z dropped out of 6th grade. He wrote me a "drop out" note. It said:

I'm not going back to school. I just can't seem to figure my life out. I want to go to school to learn, not just pass the tests. I'm frustrated. I'm falling behind in everything. I need to catch up. I need a break.

My things I need to catch up on:
1. Math
2. Science
3. History
4. Reading out loud in front of people
5. Art
6. Learning how to be around people and how to be myself and not stutter around others when I get nervous.
7. Sports- I just want to learn how to play the games I love like basketball and baseball! NOT Dance!
8. Guitar Lessons- Learning how to really play the guitar. I love my electric guitar and I just want to learn to play!
9. Piano- Learning how to play. I'm good at this. But I want to know more.
10. I really want to get to know my parents better and spend more time with them. I miss my dad. I miss my mom. And I miss my family.

What's this mom supposed to say to that? (He even wrote it in cursive!)


This is his third day in a row of refusing to go to school. So, he's been home working for me. And he loves it (and secretly I do too!) He has cooked breakfast and lunch each day, he has cleaned my house everyday! He has played with the little ones while I did my cleaning. He has visited with me all day. He's been a real pleasure to have around.

He takes some medication for his stomach because he gets so stressed out he makes himself sick. Lately, he has refused to do a lot of the normal things he usually loves to do. He's had some very emotional days. I have watched him go through this and wondered where my sweet boy went. This week I have had a glimpse of what I think he's really like. He hasn't had to take any medicine this week. He's back to acting pretty normal.

Z said he is planning to go to school tomorrow. So we will try again and see how it goes. He's a good kid! I hope we figure out how to survive these next few years!

Sweetest Reward

My, My, Baby, What very BIG feet you have!

All the faster to run with!

H has been going as fast as he can since he started to walk. Every where he goes, he gets there in his super fastest gear. His legs always get places faster than the rest of his body does. His head often takes the punishment for being so slow. He also does have really big feet compared to my other children. K, who is 3, wears a size 7 shoe. The little guy I babysit who is one month older than H wears a size 4 shoe. I just pulled out size 6 for H to start wearing. Maybe he'll break the mold and be TALL!

My, My, Baby, What very BIG hands you have!

All the better to throw with!

Everything that fits in his tiny little hand, gets thrown. H has to see what will happen. Some things bounce, some things don't, and some things even break but all things get thrown!

My, My, Baby, What very BIG ears you have!

All the better to hear you with!

H hears everything. He loves sound. He hasn't had much to say in his short little life because he always has his pacifier in his mouth but he is very aware of everything going on around him at all times.

My, My, Baby, What very BIG eyes you have!

All the better to stare you down with!

H has these big black marble eyes and with his very fare colored skin, they really stand out on his face! He is a starer! He can win any contest the older kids have with him. He doesn't smile at people too much but he has a reputation for being very serious with his eyes. We think he will be an interrogator when he gets older.

My, My, Baby, what a very BIG head you have!

All the better to think and learn with!

I am so amazed at how fast babies learn things. No wonders there is no time to sleep. He has way too many questions and mysteries to solve. I love watching his little body learn to work and enjoy this big amazing world. When my older boys were little many many years ago, we had a video with Primary songs on it. The words to one of my favorite songs on the tape are, "It's a big round school house my Father gave to me..."

My, My, Baby, what a very shiny, bald head you have!

Oh! That's cuz my mom just gave me my first haircut, a BUZZ!


My baby is growing up way too fast. He just started jabbering. His favorite word to say is "Mom!" No big deal, right? NO! Not one of my babies has ever said "mom" first. Yes, most of them have jabbered long before the age of one, but they always say "Da Da Da!" long before they learn to say "Ma!" H doesn't say "Da" at all. I've never heard him say it even once. H has always had a pacifier in his mouth so he hasn't been one to make much noise unless he is crying. I babysit a little boy that does not have a father, it's just him and his mom, so he only knows "Mom." H has picked up on that. I love it!

H is very much a Daddy's boy! If Hubby is around, H wants nothing to do with me. This is also different for us because when all of my other children we little, they really could have cared less if Dad was around, but not H! He loves his Daddy. Hubby isn't used to this kind of constant, undying love, so he often, without really thinking about it, will brush past H and not give him any attention. But H is very persistant and continues to follow Hubby around hanging on his legs and crying for attention until finally Hubby gives in and carries him everywhere all morning and evening long. It's kind of funny but after a while I kind of feel like chopped liver. I'm the one who does all the work for H. I change his diapers, I feed him, I change his clothes way too many times day, I get up with him all night long, I clean his snotty nose and dirty face, I kiss his owies, and I hold him the other 8 hours of the day while Daddy is at work.

So what reward do I get for all of my sacrifice?

One simple first word:

"Mom"

New Look!

I have been humming the words to the hymn "I Know That My Redeemer Lives!" all day. When I saw this page layout, I knew it was perfect for me! BUT I lost all my widgets so I'm back to square one. I guess it was time for some Spring Cleaning anyways!

Happy Easter!



I Know That My Redeemer Lives Hymn

I know that my Redeemer lives;
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, He lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living Head.

He lives to bless me with His love,
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed,
He lives to help in time of need.

He lives triumphant from the grave,
He lives eternally to save,
He lives all glorious in the sky,
He lives exalted there on high.

He lives to grant me rich supply,
He lives to guide me with His eye,
He lives to comfort me when faint,
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears,
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart,
He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend,
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while He lives, I’ll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death:
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to His Name!
He lives, my Jesus, still the same.
Oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives,
I know that my Redeemer lives!

Keeping it Real!

About a week ago, I did a post about my depression. Since then I have received alot of feedback and some of it is full of questions and concern and so I am doing a follow up post to try to answer some of the questions that have been asked.

My husband has a saying that he often says to me. It is, "DON'T show others all your cards." It's a good rule to live by BUT I'm also a rule breaker.

I know that I suffer from depression and so do ALOT of others. Some suffer from it long term and some short term. What I have noticed is that 1) you are open to talking about it, 2) you are very private about it, or 3) you just don't really care because it's not your problem. Depression can be viewed by some as a weakness or a cop out! Most of my experiences have been that it is an uncomfortable subject for most of us to talk much about. When I talk about my depression publicly, my husband is afraid that I am revealing something that is too personal and that it makes me look like a nut job. The reality of this is, I am a nut job! ;)

Okay, so before you are all scared for me and my family, I am currently working with my doctor and everything is good. I just needed to make some changes in my medication. I'm back on track!

Now for the big question, why did I post about something so personal in such a public place? Well, my answer isn't a good one but here goes:

It's MY blog. I write it, I think it, I do it, It's my world! It's all about me!

Okay, since that makes me sound kind of rude and cuckoo, I guess maybe I should explain WHY I blog.

I am 33 years old. I have 6 children ages 1 to 12. I stay home all day, every day! I also do some daycare in my home so I always have a few extras! My husband has a very stressful job with hours that don't coordinate well with raising a family, thus I am on my own alot. My side of our family doesn't live in the same town as we do so we don't have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc to rely on. Hubby has some extended family in town, but it's hard for me, without Hubby there to hold my hand and tell me it's okay, to feel like I can rely on them like I would relatives on my side of the family. So I often feel alone. I don't do things with friends much. WHY? Well, first of all we move around a lot and I really am a shy person and I think of myself as kind of boring so I have a hard time going out of my comfort zone to talk to people and make friends. My sister told me once that I often come across to people as snobbish and rude. That's funny to me because that is so far from what I am thinking in my head. I really just lack a lot of confidence in myself. ALSO, I always have a lot of kiddos I'm hauling around. I always think it's overwhelming and scary to see us all coming. But, where am I going to leave them? (STOP! I have a lot more excuses that I have come up with over the years but this is turning into a feel sorry for me post and that is not where I am wanting to go with this at all!)

My point is, I have not allowed myself to have a life outside of my children. They are it! 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year! I get really stressed out and it's just easier to stay home alone in my own little corner of the world. When I am around Hubby's friends, he calls me a prude because I have no clue what to talk about so I'm just awkward. When I hang out with my friends, I don't have a clue what to talk about outside of my children so I ramble on and on and usually talk way too much. I just feel like a social misfit! I chose my life though. I love my kids. I'm so thankful I have each one of them!!!! BUT I am severely lacking in the adult social world. I'm great with kids though (at least ones 12 and under)!

My life keeps happening, everyday and I'm horrible at journaling. Not because I don't like to write, but because I hate to go back and read what I wrote. I think I'm a dork! So when I started a blog it was mostly to share pictures and cute kid stories with my family members who live far away. But who wants to hear depressing things. So I had to look at things around me in a lighter way.

Funny thing happened though. As I began to write about the good in my life, I started to not see it all as bad. It turned into therapy for me! Now I actually look forward to writing things down. And what's even better is that readers like you (HINT!) actually leave me comments and then I convince myself that I actually have a social life that works with my mommy life!

So, why the depression post?

Because that is me! It's not all a bed of roses here. I have bad days. I even have REALLY bad days. I don't post about them though. I like to kid around and say that blogging is my pretend world where I'm a great mom who always knows all the answers, I have adorable kids that are practically perfect in every way and our stories always have happy endings, and, oh yeah, I have an imaginary social life with tons of friends.

Who am I trying to kid though?

I won't make it a habit to post wacky things very often. There's some good, some bad, and even some ugly going on around here, but that is the story of my life. I'm just trying to keep it real.

(See, I told you I didn't really have a great reason for my previous post, or this one now that I've just read through it! Oh well!)

Who knows though, maybe you are as nutty as me so we can still be friends?!!

Bird Nest Recipe

I have no idea where I saw this recipe at so I don't have anyone to give credit to but just so you know, I am NOT creative enough to have come up with this on my own.

For the nest, we melted about a pound of chocolate in the microwave and added a bag Chinese noodles to the melted chocolate and stirred until the noodles we all covered in chocolate. Then we used all the small bowls in our house that were close to the size we wanted our nests to be. We sprayed the bowls with cooking spray and then formed the nests in the bowls. Then we put the bowls in the freezer for a few minutes until the chocolate was set up. Then we dumped the nests out, filled them with eggs (we used the M&M speckled eggs cuz they are our favorite. Then we melted a little more chocolate (we did a handful of chocolate chips) and then we dipped PEEP chicks into the chocolate and then set them on the eggs in the nest.

Okay, the parts we tweaked on this recipe are: if you use little bowls in the freezer, Cooking spray is a must. Other wise, the chocolate sticks to the bowl and the nest won't come out and then you have sad disappointed kids. Also, we added the part about dipping the Peeps in chocolate before putting them in the nest. When the chocolate set up it held the bird and the eggs nicely in the nest. Then they could actually be played with before they were eaten.

Very easy, VERY kid friendly, and very YUMMY!

Easter Conversation

On Monday, I asked the kids if they knew what holiday was coming. Of course they did. The Easter Bunny was coming. J smiled and said, "Um, Easter Bunny, I mean Mom, don't you think you should take us shopping so we can show you what we want?" I asked him what happened to the part about Christ and the Resurrection. All I got was a room full of blank stares. So, for Family Home Evening, we decided to show the kids the movie Easter Dream. I cried through it cuz that's what I do best and they all laughed at me cuz that's what they do best. When it was over, Hubby had to quickly head off to finish up some work so it was just the kids and I. We headed to the kitchen to make Bird Nests.

Secret: I have found that the best way to get my kids to open up and talk to me is when we are doing something together side by side and they feel they are on equal ground with me, whether it's cooking or cleaning or working, whatever. It's my favorite times because they open up and talk and talk and talk.

Okay, so back to my story. I had never made these before and the instructions were kind of vague so we did them by trial and error. The first idea didn't work, neither did the second or third, but eventually we figured it out and then we were on a roll. It was fun to figure it out together. So, as we were thinking and creating our masterpieces, the subject of "Easter" came up again. The kids were so amazed at what the true reason for celebrating Easter really was. They had heard the story before and they knew how it went but they had not put it all together like that before. And then they were disappointed when they thought about the Easter Bunny and egg hunts and gifts. Not because they now had nothing fun to look forward to but because the celebrations made no sense. What does bunny's and chickens and eggs and candy and presents have to do with Christ being crucified and then resurrected. With Christmas they were able to make the connection but they felt like Easter traditions were way off. (I love having these deep learning conversations with my kids.)

So, we are on a search to figure out what all the commercial type things have to do with the spiritual meaning of Easter and then what traditions and activities are going to be important enough to be a part of our yearly celebration. It'll be fun to see what they come up with.

What Easter traditions are important in your families?

I'm paying for what?

My sister has a new baby and because they are in between moves, she is living at my parents house right now, which is not very far away from me but I haven't been able to go visit yet because my kids are still sick! We have a plan to go out there over Easter weekend so every one's thinking healthy thoughts and taking lots of meds so that we can all be well by then.

H has been running a fever since Saturday. I took him into the Doc on Monday. The nurse asked me how high his fever was getting. I told her I didn't know because I didn't bother to take it. I just knew it was getting high enough to need medicine. She said, "Well, how do you know he has a fever?" I said, "Like this!" and I put my hand on his head. She said that she wasn't sure he had fever because his hands were icy cold. I told her that I thought it actually was pretty high at that moment and I asked her to please check anyways. So she did. And he had a fever of 103 DEGREES!

See, my way works!

When the doctor came in, he asked what I thought was wrong. I told him that I was guessing his ears. The doctor said, "We just had him on an antibiotic last week for his ears and he's not even tugging on his ears." He was guess strep since that is what most of my other kids have had. I disagreed so we made a bet. His throat was clear and BOTH ears are completely infected!

YES! I win!

However, just to prove that I didn't know everything, he told me that high of a fever had nothing to do with ear infections. He thought the fever was viral.

WHATEVER! Just give me the prescription!

So, here it is Wednesday and H still has a high fever. (I'm still betting on ears!)

Okay, so maybe I don't know everything! But, neither does the Doctor!