Ask, and ye shall recieve...

In Family Home Evening last night, it was my turn for the lesson. I have had the lesson now for 3 weeks because, well, we haven't been so good at getting FHE done the last few weeks, mostly because I haven't been able to come up with a lesson and for some reason our evenings are total chaos anyways and trying to add FHE to Monday evenings has not worked out so well for us. So, yesterday, we were determined to have FHE. After doing a couple errands last night, Ken asked me what my lesson was on. I shamefully hung my head and said I didn't know yet. He asked if I was going to have one ready in time. I positively answered "YES!" and then silently prayed like crazy for an answer to my lesson.

Here's my problem, it's not like I haven't tried to prepare a lesson. I have! I have spent hours searching the internet for something to teach. Maybe I'm being a little picky but normally when I prepare a lesson, I just start browsing through church magazines or lds websites and I always come across something that stands out and it ends up being exactly what our family needed to learn that night. So for 3 weeks I have gotten nothing. I knew the end result I was going for, I just didn't know what or how to teach to get to that point.

Ken suggested that we call the children around the table with their scriptures and we just read as a family.

BINGO! I got it!!!

We taught the kids how to research a topic in the Topical Guide (example: Prayer). Then we found references that looked like something we would want to read more about. Once they were comfortable using the Topical Guide and finding the references in the scriptures, I had them each research a topic of choice, find a scripture to teach us about, then find a picture from the Gospel Art Kit to support their lesson. After a few minutes of researching and planning, we then went upstairs for our lessons. Each of the children shared a scripture, talked about their picture, gave a little one minute lesson and ended with bearing their testimonies. It was awesome!

The spirit was so strong! Their testimonies were priceless! And I was humbled at the simple answer to my silent prayer. What I learned: That I don't have to prepare the lesson. I just have to guide and allow the spirit to teach my children. Through the use of the scriptures and other church resources, the Lord will teach my children the gospel principles that they need to learn.

The words, "Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me" kept going through my mind the rest of the evening. The words are so simple. They aren't "force me, push me, make me". The Lord's way is through example, service, and unconditional love. Any other way is not the Lord's way. I have known this principle but as my children enter the teenage years, I have felt so inadequate in my abilities to teach them. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself.

I read a quote yesterday that said "Simply having children does not make mothers." ~John A. Shedd

Fourteen years ago, I brought my first baby boy home from the hospital. As I looked around my tiny apartment, I realized that though so much looked the same, I was now a mother. That small helpless child laying in my arms was my responsibility. As I looked into his face, I was humbled that God would trust me with this spirit. I wasn't very good at keeping commitments up to that point in my life. I was pretty selfish and if I didn't want to do something, I didn't. My word wasn't worth much. I felt overwhelmed as I realized that my decision to have this child was an eternal commitment. I was scared of myself. I felt like Heavenly Father had loaned me this perfect child to love and enjoy here on earth and that someday I would be asked to return his child and I would be accountable for the condition I returned him in. I knew that at that moment, I couldn't raise this child on my own. I did not have a degree in parenthood. He didn't come with an owner's manual. I knew there was one person who knew him intimately, who loved him more than I ever could, and who had the perfect answers to this earth life. I couldn't raise this child without constant guidance from our Heavenly Father.

Now he is almost 14 and I have invited 5 more of God's precious children into our family. As I watch them struggle and learn, make mistakes and look for answers, I am again reminded of how inadequate I am in my role as the mother in this family. I don't have the answers most of the time. I hurt like they do, I make mistakes like they do, I'm learning just like they are.

It's in those private moments of searching for answers, that I plead with my Father, not for my sake but for these precious spirits he has entrusted me with. And as the answers come, I am humbled that he would answer my small insignificant prayer in such a powerful and perfect way.

Giving birth to my children made me their parent, but Heavenly Father has shown me how to be their mother.