Another Tough Lesson Learned!

Okay, so my kids hate it when I blog about them but since I have no other form of entertainment, it's all about them.

Last night as I was sending my kidlets off to bed, Justyn came to me and told me we needed to go somewhere private and talk about something really important. I looked at my mountain of laundry on my bed that still needed folded, the kitchen covered in dirty dishes and plant dirt that Henry had spilled everywhere, the living room cluttered with toys and books and the vacuuming and dusting that still needed to be done before I went to bed and I really just wanted him to talk to me while I kept on working. I didn't have time to stop. He was insistent so I told him to pick the spot. We headed upstairs to the far bedroom where no one sleeps and shut the door. He sat on the bed and I sat down next to him. He started to cry.

J: "Do you promise to still love me no matter what?"
Me: "Umm,....yes?!!"
J: "Will you promise to help me through this problem no matter what?"
Me: "I'll do my best..."
J: "Because your my mom and that's what mom's do, right?"
Me: "Right!"

I have to admit at this point I was scared to death of what was coming next. And seeing him so upset and crying actually made me cry also. Then he told me his problem and I was so relieved that I cried even more.

He really wanted to see what it felt like at school to get a really good grade on his Greek and Latin test and so he put a paper under his desk with the answers on it and then copied the answers. When he got his test back he had received a very good grade and his teacher was so proud of him and all the kids at his table praised him and he said he felt AWFUL!! He knew he had been dishonest and that he had let himself down. He knew he had done the wrong thing and he had spent the last month trying to figure out how to make it right. He said that he had gone to bed each night with a headache because he couldn't stop thinking about it. He had been praying about what he should do and he finally decided that there was no other way out except to just tell the truth. He was at a point where he didn't want to carry this around anymore and he was prepared for whatever punishment he would receive. He was ready to be the first 4th grader expelled from Xavier and he was ready for Dad to "kick his butt" just as long as it could finally all be over. He didn't want to do this on his own anymore. He talked and I listened. And in the end, I think he taught himself a bigger lesson than I ever could have taught him.

I have thought about this overnight and all morning. I remember when he was little and we worked through tough life lessons like "if you don't eat your dinner, you're going to be really, really hungry by morning", or "if you don't bring your laundry down before Sunday morning, you will wear dirty, wrinkly clothes to church", or my personal favorite, "if you wear your shoes for 4 days and nights straight because it's easier to just leave them on then to have to get up and retie them each morning, your feet are going to get really really smelly and they will stay that way for about a year and the doctor will watch them for fungus and other complications". Each thing was major at the time, but we made it through each experience and he learned and grew and has gradually become more and more responsible. Nothing has been so bad though that in the end, a hug and a kiss couldn't fix.

So, as I watched him in tears, sobbing, and begging me to love him no matter what, my mind flashed forward to years ahead and I realized that he will make many more choices, some of which I will probably not agree with or maybe not even understand or be able to fix. It's important that I make sure that my children know that I will always love them unconditionally, no matter what, and that I will do my best to help them where I can, because that's what mother's do. This is an eternal commitment that I made between them and God. I just hope I can have the strength and the right answers when I need them. This is harder than I thought it would be.

As a mother, watching my child suffer and knowing that I couldn't help him until he asked, also made me think more about my relationship with my Father in Heaven. We are taught that He is always there to help us and comfort us but we have to ask. Last night the roles were reversed and I was the parent this time. As Justyn tried to deal with this trial on his own, it was bigger than he had the knowledge and strength to do alone. He finally came to me, extremely broken down and humbled, and asked for my help and forgiveness and was willing to do whatever I decided in order to repent of this and move on in his life. Had he just come to me in the beginning, he could have saved himself a lot of stress and worry and wasted time. Instead, he kept it to himself and tortured himself far more than I would have ever done. As I listened to him, I thought, "You silly child, I was here all along. All you had to do was ask. You don't have to do it all on your own. I am your mother and I love you! I'd love nothing more than to always be here for you, to listen to you, to cry with you, to wipe away your tears, and then gently guide you back to safety."

And I think I finally got it!