What A Mother Does

My sweet child,

My heart overflowed with emotion as I caught my first glimpse of you. I begged them to quickly place you in my arms, so beautiful and perfect, and I knew you were a precious child loved by Heavenly Parents but that for this time on earth, it would be my honor and privilege to call you mine. And I named you Alexys Rose.

I knew from those first few precious moments as I tasted your first sweet breaths of air and smelled the newness of your life, that I would love you beyond the limits of my human imagination.

As you grew, your personality blossomed. You were so happy and flighty. You were like a butterfly, fluttering from flower to flower, soaking in all the world around you and leaving each moment more beautiful than the one before because you had been there.

We soon learned that inside your little, petite body was a big heart and strong spirit and everyone around you was drawn to your innocence and inner beauty.

One summer day, we were swinging in the back yard, watching the squirrels as they chased a bird around the branches of the big ash tree. And you wondered how two creatures so different from one another could live together so happily in the same tree when people who are so much alike can't live peacefully together on the same big earth. And you wished to be a fairy because then you could play in the trees with the birds and the squirrels.....Then off you ran to play and I was left alone to be amazed at your huge insight into such a complex thought. And I wondered who you would become and why I had been so blessed to be loved by you.

As I look back at all that you have been through over the last year, I am so impressed with how much you have grown and I'm so proud of how many fears and nightmares you have faced and conquered. And through it all, your heart is still so innocent and beautiful.

And as I look at all the relationships that have been sacrificed, all the hurt and pain that has been felt as I have done everything in my power to right the wrong that was done to you, and all the things that I have kept silent in my heart so that you could have the chance to mend and learn to fly again, I can't help but feel sadness. I realize that you will miss out on relationships that rightfully should have been yours. I find myself doubting my decisions and I wonder what I could have done differently?....or better?....or maybe just not at all. I want to blame myself. I want to trade places with you. I want to take away your suffering. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I hope and pray that in the end, I did it right.

And then today when my heart and mind were heavy with sorrow, I watched you flutter from one thing to the next. Hearing your laughter was music to my ears and seeing your smile and soaking in your happiness and contentedness, filled my heart with so much joy and I found myself realizing that I am so thankful for my sweet, little butterfly, And though your wings were once damaged they were not broken. You have healed and you are stronger now and more beautiful than ever.

And I felt a soft, peace engulf my entire being, as I realized and accepted the knowledge that, without question, I would sacrifice everything, again and again, just for you!

Because you are my child
And I am your mother

And that's what a mother does.