Today, Z dropped out of 6th grade. He wrote me a "drop out" note. It said:
I'm not going back to school. I just can't seem to figure my life out. I want to go to school to learn, not just pass the tests. I'm frustrated. I'm falling behind in everything. I need to catch up. I need a break.
My things I need to catch up on:
1. Math
2. Science
3. History
4. Reading out loud in front of people
5. Art
6. Learning how to be around people and how to be myself and not stutter around others when I get nervous.
7. Sports- I just want to learn how to play the games I love like basketball and baseball! NOT Dance!
8. Guitar Lessons- Learning how to really play the guitar. I love my electric guitar and I just want to learn to play!
9. Piano- Learning how to play. I'm good at this. But I want to know more.
10. I really want to get to know my parents better and spend more time with them. I miss my dad. I miss my mom. And I miss my family.
What's this mom supposed to say to that? (He even wrote it in cursive!)
This is his third day in a row of refusing to go to school. So, he's been home working for me. And he loves it (and secretly I do too!) He has cooked breakfast and lunch each day, he has cleaned my house everyday! He has played with the little ones while I did my cleaning. He has visited with me all day. He's been a real pleasure to have around.
He takes some medication for his stomach because he gets so stressed out he makes himself sick. Lately, he has refused to do a lot of the normal things he usually loves to do. He's had some very emotional days. I have watched him go through this and wondered where my sweet boy went. This week I have had a glimpse of what I think he's really like. He hasn't had to take any medicine this week. He's back to acting pretty normal.
Z said he is planning to go to school tomorrow. So we will try again and see how it goes. He's a good kid! I hope we figure out how to survive these next few years!
I'm not going back to school. I just can't seem to figure my life out. I want to go to school to learn, not just pass the tests. I'm frustrated. I'm falling behind in everything. I need to catch up. I need a break.
My things I need to catch up on:
1. Math
2. Science
3. History
4. Reading out loud in front of people
5. Art
6. Learning how to be around people and how to be myself and not stutter around others when I get nervous.
7. Sports- I just want to learn how to play the games I love like basketball and baseball! NOT Dance!
8. Guitar Lessons- Learning how to really play the guitar. I love my electric guitar and I just want to learn to play!
9. Piano- Learning how to play. I'm good at this. But I want to know more.
10. I really want to get to know my parents better and spend more time with them. I miss my dad. I miss my mom. And I miss my family.
What's this mom supposed to say to that? (He even wrote it in cursive!)
This is his third day in a row of refusing to go to school. So, he's been home working for me. And he loves it (and secretly I do too!) He has cooked breakfast and lunch each day, he has cleaned my house everyday! He has played with the little ones while I did my cleaning. He has visited with me all day. He's been a real pleasure to have around.
He takes some medication for his stomach because he gets so stressed out he makes himself sick. Lately, he has refused to do a lot of the normal things he usually loves to do. He's had some very emotional days. I have watched him go through this and wondered where my sweet boy went. This week I have had a glimpse of what I think he's really like. He hasn't had to take any medicine this week. He's back to acting pretty normal.
Z said he is planning to go to school tomorrow. So we will try again and see how it goes. He's a good kid! I hope we figure out how to survive these next few years!
20 comments:
Laurie, my heart aches for you. I know that if your kids are unhappy, stressed, and confused, you heart breaks. My oldest Daughter is so emotional. She takes everything so very, very personal. She is very easily frustrated. Her feelings are so easily hurt. She is only four and I feel like I can already see a future of a rough road for her. At the same time I don't want to label her because I think I may have a way of debilitating her. Does this make sense??
Elementary school was so very hard for me. I was so very shy and easily felt rejected when someone didn't have a huge interest in befriending me. I was very lucky and always had one best friend. Now I am almost 29 and I have learned that if someone doesn't think I matter enough to be their friend, it doesn't matter if they are a part of my life. I hope that doesn't sound too mean.
How do you teach this to young kids?? I guess they just have to learn from trial and error. I hope I have the strength to deal with it with my kids.
Oh how sad. Poor kid. School really does suck because of all the mean kids. It seems that he is figuring out who he is. I'm sure this too will pass. He seems like a really good kid and with his good parents he has, things will work out.
Awww! I think its awesome that he's so goal oriented in his angst. I'd probably let him stay home for awhile, and in the meantime set up a meeting with his teachers and the school counselor to see what they are willing to do to help support him in his goals and work out some type of plan that both supports his education and his needs that he feels aren't currently being met.
i think jen had some great advice! i'd do what she says. :O)
he is remarkably insightful for his age. usually at 12, they just get mad at the world and call everyone stupid. so i think it's super that he can voice himself so clearly.
would you consider homeschool?
Okay, don't flame me for this, but have you ever considered homeschool? 'Cause that's what I would do in about three seconds if one of my kids wrote me a note like that and destressed the way he did at home. That's me, I know, but have you ever considered it? It's not that hard, really! Especially if the child is willing and ready to go. Then he can get better at all the things he wants to without the stress. And it doesn't have to be permanent. It could just be 'til he's ready to go back.
Woa. This is heavy. I have to admit that my first reaction (also realize I have no kids this age, so this is purely speculation) was to say, of course he goes to school.
You're the mom. He's the kid. School is his job--end of story.
Then I got to the part where he's so stressed he's on medication. Now this is a different ball game. You definitely need to talk to some professional people: teachers, principal, school counslers, maybe he even needs a therapist, to get to the bottom of his stress and figure out what will work better for him.
I know you've homeschooled in the past. Is this an option? Some of the smartest, nicest most well adjusted people I know were homeschooled or mostly homeschooled during Jr high and high school.
((HUGS)) Good luck, Laurie. I'm sure you and Ken will pray a lot and that will guide you as you make your decisions.
I've been catching up on my blog reading (I've been out of town...) and I love the new format!! Love, love, love reading about you and your life!
Have you ever thought about homeschooling Z? I know it's another thing to add to your plate, but it is much less structured and it might boost his self esteem a bit. He could concentrate on the things that he likes doing as well as doing the other things with less pressure.
I could never home school, so if this is not an option...I totally get it! Good luck with this one. I think one of the hardest things about seeing your kids grow up is when they have problems that you CAN'T fix.
Hugs going your way!
I think he sounds like a great kid. What would it hurt to homeschool him for awhile? He sounds like the kind of kid who would thrive in that environment. Good luck with it all. You and Ken are great parents and I know you'll work it all out for the best.
I just wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. I know I can't understand what you are going through right now...my kids are just too little. We'll be praying for you all!
What a good-lookin' kid you have there, Laurie. It's too bad that he has all that emotional stuff inside. My oldest daughter has some pretty emotional days too. I am sure that a lot of it is just dealing with the physical/emotional changes of growing up.
My son had some real issues in school in 4th grade. I sometimes wish to this day that I had pulled him out of school to help him deal with it-but he also learned so much by working through it. What a tough call. You seem to be such a patient mother. I really admire that. You are in tune to him, and love him, and have his best interests at heart. He couldn't ask for a better mother.
He really is a good lookin kid! I first saw the picture and thought that to myself before reading. Then I thought- awe he's a good kid too! That is a tricky situation- one I am NOT fit to give advice on. However I will keep tuned because I can surely use the parental training for the future! I remember feeling some things like that growing up - because it IS crazy. I don't remember articulating it as well or having such a pure and honest motive- I love that about his note. Thank HEAVENS he knows he can come to you to talk about it. Kids who don't have parents they feel they can go to are the ones to end up on drugs and in bad places.
This is a typical reaction for kids that have been homeschooled and are trying to fit back in with their peers and more of a structured environment. It is a lot of stress in so many areas when they start going back to public education. There could be many other reasons for this reaction as well. The best thing to do is keep open communication with Z. Talk with his teachers and definitely the school counselor.
He could have problems with study habits, organization skills, social skills, test anxiety, etc.--all things that the school counselor can help with! Also, teenage years can be very tough with all the hormones and emotions.
He could be tested for special education or put on a 504. The stomach issues may qualify him for a 504, but you would have to check with the counselor or administration.
My son is struggling right now with many of the same issues. He is learning some very important lessons from it right now and we are slowly getting through it! I have let him fall on his face many times this year and he is slowly realizing that he is in control of his education and is learning the habits that will get him ready for high school. He has also learned what NOT to do, which can be just as important as learning what TO DO to succeed in school!
I think going through this with the first child is so hard! But this experience is making me a better school counselor and a much better parent!!
He is very aware of his life, needs and wants at such a young age. And he's willing to share with you every issue he has- shows that he has a good relationship with you. I'm sorry that he gets so stressed out about school and other activities. I understand that you'd want him home with you- sounds like he needed a break. School can be so overwhelming, especially when you want to succeed in everything. Good luck in getting him back into his school routine.
So many comments with advice and good thoughts. Not sure I could add too much.
Just want you to know I'm thinking of you, and Z, and hoping you both will be guided and able to find the solution in his best interest. Bless his heart.
Attendance at public schools was the worst part of my childhood. I hope it will get better for him, whatever you decide to do.
I was homeschooled for a great portion of my childhood, and I don't think I turned out too badly. So I think you can guess that I would say, if it works, do it. Not all home schoolers (if hardly any!) are psycho. ;)
Best wishes in getting to the core issues of his life and helping him through this time.
(((HUGS)))
Ok so I know I don't have kids but I do work with them a lot, especially kids that are struggling! And I really liked what the second Julie said. This is his first year of structured school since, what 1st grade. There are a lot of adjustments that are required and of course it is going to stress him out. From life experience the first little bit of anything new in our lives from a new school, to a new job, or a new city is stressful even for adults because it is new and we have to go out of our comfort zone. (believe me i know-RUSSIA!!) Part of life is learning to deal with change and adjust and make each situation work. I think it would be a bad idea to take him out of school because it would just teach him that if something is hard, just give up and go back to what is comfortable. I don't think that is what you would want to teach him. The stresses of Jr. High and high school are what teach us to deal with stresses that WILL come the rest of our lives. If you shield him from dealing with troubles you are enabling him from becoming a better and stronger young man. He will not learn to deal with uncomfortable situations or life, since that is what it's made up of. If he needs a few days off, that is totally ok, we all do at times, that's why we take vacations. But let him go to school, fail, and try again until he gets it down. It will make him better if he does. As for long term, maybe you should consider sending him to one of those summer camps at BYU, that would teach him a specific skill, give him confidence to learn, be forced to make new friends and survive on his own for even a few weeks. I think that would really help him learn to adapt and he will be better off adjusting to school next year because he will be able to go out of his comfort zone to learn and make good friends. And you know that you are sending him to a safe place where he will be taken care of in a good environment (and if you were really worried, I could check on him from time to time). For now-talk to the teacher, make sure he/she is aware of the situation and see if there is any way he/she can help. But honestly, I think the hardest part of all of this, as a parent, is seeing your children fail and knowing you could have prevented it. But if you prevent it, they will never be given the opportunity to learn to survive. He didn't learn to walk by you carrying him around all day! He had to fall down plenty of times before he got it right. Now look at his walking skills ;). Such is life! Good luck! Love YA!
Oh bless his heart! I hope you both can figure something out to help him feel more comfortable and be able to do the things that he loves. It is heatrbreaking to see your child sad. Believe me I know.
His note is darling! It melts my heart. I hope his stomach stays feeling better. I had that a lot too when I was in school. Loved you sharing this post.
Well I hope he figures things out.... you might have to look into home school for him. I thought about it once or twice... I know I could never do all the kids I'd be in the looney bin, but maybe one if I needed to. Good luck to you both.
Oh Laurie, this makes me so sad! his note really tugged on the heart strings. I hope this all works out for Z... you know what... Z sounds so wise for his age... knowing he has a problem & what he needs to do about it!!!! God bless him!
I cannot immagine... Well only half way. I have one struggling to stay on top and cought up in his classes. There are so many things he wants to do and to us as parents it translates into us thinking he just doesn't want to do anything. It just is so hard, you are truely an inspiration to stay calm and I just wish I had your temperment! Cool, patient... what a MOTHER!
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