Last night after the Blue and Gold Banquet, a gentleman in our ward came up to me and while winking and smiling, says, "Great job decorating that cake, MOM!" I laughed and started to correct him when J interrupted and said, "Do you think my mom could do that good of a job? I made and decorated that cake all by myself! I just wish I could have had some real competition here tonight!" Can you say humility?
I stopped in to visit with the principal of Z's school today. She was wonderful to talk to and she has come up with some great ideas to help Z survive the last 2 months of the school year. The last thing she said as I walked out the door was, "Tell Z to get his butt back here to school. I miss him!" That seemed to be exactly what he needed to hear because he is anxious to get back to work again on Monday!
Hubby wants Z to finish the school year. He wants him to learn to finish what he starts. Life is hard but that's how we grow. I've thought alot about this situation this week. My first reaction is to take away all his problems and bring him home if that what he wants, and let him "run away" when things get tough. Then I realized that that is what I always do and where has it gotten me? I had an experience this last year that was one of my worst "mommy nightmares" come true. I decided that I had completely failed as a mother and so I gave up! If I couldn't do it right, then I didn't want the job anymore.
Nine months later, and my replacement still hasn't showed up so I guess I better get back to work. I layed in bed last night, waiting for Hubby to get home from work, and I thought about all the things I had messed up on through out the day, and I said to myself, "It's okay. I'll do better tomorrow!" And then I thought, "This is the exact same thing I have told myself every night for the last 12 years. I can't wait for tomorrow or someday I'm going to run out of tomorrows to hope on. I've got to start right now." I can't fix all the bad and I can't take away all the hurt, but I can keep getting up every day and going back to work, doing the best I can with what I know.
"And when I know better, I will do better!" I'm the mom in this house. That is my job! And if my husband and my children still have faith in me, then maybe I can still have faith me also.
I'm so amazed at the hard lessons I learn as a parent. I may end up ruining my children's lives, but in the end, they will have saved mine. Then I can only hope and pray that they too will be blessed with children of their own.
The End!
16 comments:
K is so funny! I need someone to provide me with comic relief at all times of the day!
I'm so glad you got a great response from the principal. He really needs someone to take an interest in him and give him a reason to keep going.
We can only do our best and keep trying--as long as we are always progressing, it's all good!
I love reading your blog. It is a relif that I am not the only mother struggling. We all struggle at times in raising our children. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! And I only have two! No matter what happens during the day, we still have to pick ourselves up out of bed (some mornings are harder than others) and try our best to do what the Lord wants. Somedays are a success, others not so much. But as long as you can laugh through it we all somehow survive! I particularly like what you said at the end. (I even cried a little & my husband laughed at me!) It is so true, our children save us. What would we do with out them! We can only hope that they will experience the same things! Hind sight is 20/20! You are a great mom Laurie! I don't think that you will ruin your kids! :)
I really enjoyed this post. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this job is hard somedays. I also agree that we need to keep getting up everyday and do the very best we can, sometimes I think this is the most important part of what we do. The other pieces can fall into place when we are willing to do this. I think you are a great mom, and it shows in your great kids. Love ya.
Don't kid yourself, you are an AMAZING Mom!!! As you know, I'm in the business of telling parents how to be more successful at their job (my experience makes me so qualified - haha right) and from my experience in this field I can tell you that you are one of the best moms in the world and you have no need to worry!!! As we know, it is by the fruits of something that we can tell their goodness, and if you just look at your freaking amazing family, it is obvious that you are doing things right! Keep up the good work!
What an inspiring post! Sometimes I think that I have just messed up beyond repair and just want to leave and never come back. But then I come back to reality and know that I really need my kids and hubby. I try and sometimes (especially that time of the month) fall backwards. Thank you for your inspiration and spirit!
By the way, how do you change your background? I love your template/skin/whatever it is called. As you can tell This is not my forte!! My email is jennifer4556@sbcglobal.net
J's comment about his cake is HILARIOUS!
I love the knew picture of you. Clint is scott's step brother. Clint's mom debbie is/was married to scott's dad mike. Melanie is scott's aunt.
it sounds like you are on the right path with z. i think it was julie's comment that i enjoyed the most on the previous post- it really does come down to learning things the hard way in this life. but if you can learn how to survive it, in the end you are a stronger person. there's a lot of hurt we can't escape, and maybe we shouldn't try to.
anyway. i'm excited about your epiphone. keep at it girl!
Laurie,
I don't know how you do it, but you are great. It seems like there is also something going on in your life, and never failing, you just pick up and keep going. I feel bad that we have not kept up with each other as much as we should have while we were in Wisconsin. I am so glad to be back closer to family so we can get to know you and your wonderful family again. You are an amazing mother. I think too often we are harder on ourselves than anyone else. So, thank you for the encouragment to get up everyday and start over. That is what this life is all about, right? That is the whole purpose that we are here for...to learn from our mistakes and try to do better. Thank you! I really enjoy reading your blog, even though I haven't commented before. We really need to start blogging, but I'm not really sure I'm up for the challenge of finding the time to do it yet. Maybe one day I'll take the inspiration from your blog and try my own.
Love ya,
Cali
I think you're an awesome mom. I love your honesty. Reading this inspires me to do better and be better. Our week has been so bad that I just figure if I can make it through til Sunday, I can start all over again on Monday!
We just need to keep at it.
You've been love tagged. I want to see what you guys were like pre-marriage, so dust off the old picture frames!!! go to my blog and jot down that questions and answer them :) hehe
I'm glad Z is going to be back to school and is having a better attitude now. Hugs to you and to him!
Hey, I heard something on Dr. Laura one time when she took a call from a woman feeling very much like you described feeling. Dr. L suggested that every day she do something WRONG - ON PURPOSE! The reason was to start learning that it's okay to do stuff wrong now and then ... everyone does it.
You (and me, cuz I have this problem too) need to learn to accept our shortcomings, maybe even celebrate them. After all, they are what keep us human, keep us humble, keep us hoping for a brighter tomorrow.
Hugs again!
Sch a beautiful post. I am so touched by your honesty and your ability to bravely go forward! I have felt so many times that my children deserved a better mother than me...I worry that I'm not doing enough for them, that I'm teaching the wrong things, not teaching enough, etc., etc., etc. It's enough to make me want to quit sometimes too...but like you said, 'my replacement never shows up.' Thank you for reminding us all that we can go forward and go to work. Thank you!!!
if i could give you one advice i would say...learn to let things go. I'm not perfect nor do i want to be at this point. I've learned to think it's funny when I do stupid things and make mistakes. Because all you have to do is make it through the day and even if it wasn't perfect feel good that you're living and that you have to opportunity to try again tomorrow. Because we have a God in Heaven who loves us and as long as we progress it doesn't matter if we're perfect. I mean see where you are now from when you started being a mom. You've definantly improved and if you haven't well God always gives you the chance to change. All he requires is a willing heart and a sincere desire. Being perfect includes making mistakes and learning from them. God knew that we'd make mistakes. Why do you think satan had a plan to make us do what is right. Maybe he was a perfectinist too. But we will make mistakes. Every, every day without fail. Just learn to be happy despite the hard times. I love you.
Motherhood is a constant state of learning.We all have times like this, anyone who says differently -- is lying!
Love the cake comment!
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