Bathroom Rules
1. Stand Direct
2. Aim Carefully
3. If you miss, you clean it up!
She said her boys were so embarrassed that they started to clean the bathroom up themselves after their friends left rather than have their friends ever see that sign.
Years later, while on his mission, her son Gary, sent her a plaque like this that she still has in her bathroom today:
She then told me how Heavenly Father created this wonderful plan of families being together forever and that we all loved it. She said that one day Heavenly Father looked down on earth and saw all of these happy families living together and loving each other and following his plan perfectly. But he noticed that no one was really spreading their wings and life seemed way too easy. So, he zapped all the kids ages 12-19 and called them teenagers. After that, the kids couldn't wait to leave home and the parents couldn't wait for them to go.
As silly as that story is, it makes me sad to think that this is the phase that I am headed into with my children. Teenage years were very hard for me and I am so afraid of making the same mistakes with my children. I don't want to go through this and I don't want them to hate these years like I did. Is there a way to make it stop or just skip it?
I'm curious how your teenage years went and what your parents did that helped you or didn't help you during those hard times.
11 comments:
I love that sign!
My teenage years were very difficult, but not in the traditional sense. I was a very good kid. I was a very smart kid. :) I knew that if I did what I should and even went the extra mile, I got more freedom. I cleaned the house all the time since my parents both worked and I loved cleaning. I confided in my parents. Not everything, but a lot. I talked to them, asked them for their advice. I was definitely not a typical teenager.
It was hard in the way of depression. It started with the emergence of OCD and kept escalating. I remember coming home after a bad day at school and shouting at God that I wanted to die. I don't think that is normal for an 8 year old child. And the one mistake I don't want to make is assuming everything is a phase and is something "they'll grow out of". I don't want to be paranoid but you can bet I'll be watching closely for signs of OCD, anxiety and depression in my own kids. I didn't know I was dealing with OCD till two years ago! I wish my parents had been able to see it and help me. Even now they don't understand it but they try to.
I also lost 2 friends to suicide when I was a teenager.
Yeah, I don't even go into my sons bathroom--I check it to make sure it is clean and that is it.
I've taken many classes for my counseling degree and one of the best presentations I've been to on how to teach and discipline your children is by Love and Logic. Go to www.loveandlogic.com It is an awesome program with many helpful tools for parents.
I was not a very nice teenager. I never did the drugs or party scenes, but I sure had a mouth on me. I was SO disrespectful of my parents. My husband was a perfect teenager and he says that when we have difficult teenagers, it will be my fault!!
I never wanted to be involved in family things. I hated people putting pressure on me to be something...that came from having an older brother that is literally a genius. I wanted to be completely opposite of him.
Because of my difficult teenage years, my parents are still surprised, amazed, and grateful that I turned out to be a "Holly Homemaker!"
My advice, whether you want it or not...is to make sure to keep the lines of communication open. Good luck.
One thing my mom did really well was have a snuggle time with us each at least once a week. It was at night usually in our rooms, but sometimes hers (where ever we could have complete privacy).
In those moments I felt like I could ask her anything. I couldn't see her face and she couldn't see mine. That was a huge help esp ages 10-15.
Around 16 my mom and I didn't get along so well. Probably 'cause we're so much alike. The thing I remember most was wanting my thoughts, as irrational as they may have been, to be validated. But my mom couldn't stand to "lose" a fight so I never felt that way.
There's that guy on Oprah, Jewish guy with the skull cap, he has five kids and is an expert on divorce. Anyway, one show he said that when his kids were about 12 or 13, they sat down with the child and a close personal friend.
They told the child that they loved him/her and s/he could talk to them about anything. But if they didn't want to talk to mom and dad, they encouraged them to talk to this friend and gave them permission to not have to talk to the parents about anything that they learned. The child and the friend could have a completely private relationship keeping mom and dad out of the loop.
His logic was, the kids are going to seek information from sources outside the parents. It's better then that that outside source be a trusted friend rather than a peer.
I don't have any idea if I'd do this, but it's food for thought anyway. In fact, more and more it sounds like a good idea.
I was a very shy teenager. My parents were in a bad way at that time so I had to start working at 14.
I was able to make friends at work and gain a little self confidence. It also taught me accountability and responsibility.
Most of my friends parents had a lot of money. I paid for the things I did out of my own pocket. Most of the kids I worked with were in my same situation so being on the same level strengthened our friendships.
One my fellow bloggers was someone I worked with when I was 15.
I am reading other's blogs right now because I am at complete frustration with my own teenagers. They flip from happy, helpful and fun to these selfish, complaining monsters and I don't get any warning. Tonight we got to hear how there is nothing in this house to eat (yet nearly a storage room full of food) because they were upset that we wouldn't go out to eat at 9:30 at night, they complained that they are overworked (1 chore, music and bedroom on school days) and how pathetic of a town we live in (yet it is one of the fastest growing in Idaho). We have also heard for the last 2 weeks how unfair life is because the 2 oldest ones have had dropping grades just out of laziness. They think they can get A's on the tests but not turn in the homework. They are so focused on the social at school that the actual schoolwork interferes. Now the parents are stepping in and we are "mean, irrational and unfair".
So. . . in short, your post reminded me that I am not alone - I am among millions struggling with the same problem. My biggest problem is that I don't understand how they can be so mouthy about all of it. Yea, I may have felt similar feelings growing up but I NEVER said it to my parents, I would have been slapped and given even more chores to do.
Sorry I am no help. I can only offer empathy!
I saw a sign that said, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat." - It is not my favorite chore, cleaning the toilet, so I think that this is very funny.
I just close my kids doors to their rooms somedays and PRETEND they are clean.
You already know quite a bit of my teenage years. I could be a real stink. I am just thankful that my parents didn't give up on me, and still showed me that they love me.
That sign is way funny!
I feel the same way on the teenage thing. My boys are only seven and I already think about those teenage years looming ahead!
And I can't look to my own growing-up for clues on how to make it better ... mine pretty much stank. Life was hard.
I think I've already taken the biggest steps to making my boys' teenage-hood better than mine by determining to never break up my marriage so they can grow up in a happy intact home. I think that right there is the best thing I can do for them.
Hugs Laurie!
I loved that sign! Gonna have to get me one of those someday... ;)
My teenage years were awful. My parents were going through separation and divorce. My mom struggled with depression and other things, and my dad worked so many hours I barely remember him being around most of the time. My mom wasn't too affectionate or kind - the ever iron-fisted disciplinarian. I don't remember being hugged or told 'I love you' very much.
I had one friend in school, and she wasn't much of a friend. She introduced me into the not-so-pleasant world of sex and pornography. Though I was so embarrassed and always telling her I didn't want to hear her dirty jokes and stories or look her dirty magazines, she was always shoving it in my face. When I told her I liked a guy, or she found out I liked a guy, she would go sleep with him. She even got pregnant from one of them. I was stupid, and didn't realize that friends don't do these kind of things to each other. I wish I'd had the good sense to tell her to brush off!
My junior year of high school, I was going to school for only a few hours, then working the rest of the day full-time at an Albertson's bakery doing 2 jobs. Since my mom and dad were so disconnected, my older brother and I inadvertently took on the responsibilities of caring for our 3 younger siblings - meal prep, laundry, getting them ready for school, housework, etc. We were like the mom and dad already.
I struggled a great deal, and eventually comtemplated suicide. I almost gave in to that urge when my foster parents came to take away my younger brother and sisters. I was going to drop out of high school and attend University like my brother had done. I was so freakin' depressed and sad to see the younger 3 go, it felt like there was nothing to live for.
My foster parents told me later that they had an unmistakable impression that they needed to get back there to get me, and they were not to leave town until I was in their car and leaving with them.
It saved my life. Literally. I don't think they know how close I was to ending it. But I'm so glad they came back, because it gave me a clean, fresh start - which was all I needed to get going in life.
Anyway. This is a post in itself! I think my teenage years sucked! And you couldn't pay me a million dollars to do it again!!!
Sometimes I worry that I don't have what it takes to get my children 'safely' through their teenage years - what could I POSSIBLY tell them that would be productive and healthy!?
I guess I'll just deal with it when it arrives, and hopefully, I'll be a lot more wise by them. :S
We had a sign in my brothers' bathroom growing up that says, "if you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie, wipe the seatie."
Thankfully I've been blessed with a DH and a DS with very good aim.
That sign is THE best! :)
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