Inadequacy is an inability to fulfill a given purpose.
Today A had an appointment with her counselor.
After her session, her counselor had me come back to visit with her for a moment. She asked me how A was doing at home. I told her she was doing great. Then she asked me to tell her how A was really doing. I told her that A struggles with feeling like she is not in control of the situations around her. Her counselor smiled and said, "And who does that remind you of?" I told her that A was a perfectionist and that she hated to fail at things. Once again her counselor smiled and asked, "And does that remind you of anyone you know?" I said, "I'm afraid she thinks our family is broken." Her counselor replied, "And what do you think?"
It's hard to see myself in my children. I have fears and struggles, lots of them. But I want my children to be so much more than I am. Yet, I am teaching them to be just like me. But I don't know how to change me. I will find a way....!
I'm so thankful that I am a mother! I am so thankful that Heavenly Father loves me enough to send me little spirits that are so much stronger and better than me to help lift me up to higher ground. At this age, they love me unconditionally and they believe that I will lead them and teach them all that they must know and do to live with Him someday. As I do my best to teach my children to become all that God wants for them to become, I can only hope that along the way I, too, become all that He wants me to become.
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Today A had an appointment with her counselor.
After her session, her counselor had me come back to visit with her for a moment. She asked me how A was doing at home. I told her she was doing great. Then she asked me to tell her how A was really doing. I told her that A struggles with feeling like she is not in control of the situations around her. Her counselor smiled and said, "And who does that remind you of?" I told her that A was a perfectionist and that she hated to fail at things. Once again her counselor smiled and asked, "And does that remind you of anyone you know?" I said, "I'm afraid she thinks our family is broken." Her counselor replied, "And what do you think?"It's hard to see myself in my children. I have fears and struggles, lots of them. But I want my children to be so much more than I am. Yet, I am teaching them to be just like me. But I don't know how to change me. I will find a way....!
I'm so thankful that I am a mother! I am so thankful that Heavenly Father loves me enough to send me little spirits that are so much stronger and better than me to help lift me up to higher ground. At this age, they love me unconditionally and they believe that I will lead them and teach them all that they must know and do to live with Him someday. As I do my best to teach my children to become all that God wants for them to become, I can only hope that along the way I, too, become all that He wants me to become.
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
8 comments:
I look at my oldest daughter and see alot of my childhood anxiety in her. I wonder if and how I have caused or influenced this. I know I can just teach her how deal with and overcome it. Hopefully with focus on the important things in life like the gospel we will both be guided and inspired.
If that doesn't give you a hefty dose of mother guilt, I don't know what does.
You are doing your best! And you're a wonderful mother.
I think that some things are passed on genetically and we have no control over them and it's frustrating isn't it. That doesn't make us bad moms, though, it just gives us difficult challenges. I have no doubts that you're a good mom and you can teach her the things you've learned over the years. She has some of the best learning tools at her fingertips, too; loving parents, a good family, the gospel, the scriptures, a loving Savior, and a desire to choose the right. She's in good hands!
It is hard to see your own weaknesses start to grow in your kids. Maybe that is to show us how important it can be to let go of them. Easier said than done!
I struggle with this too. I just want things to be so different from how I experienced things as a child and youth. I want them to have happier times and enjoy life more than I did. But that's not always easy to accomplish - especially when my own fears and life perceptions seem to cloud the way!
I just hope that somehow, God will make up the difference in the end.
***HUGS***
Thanks for your thoughts. I needed them tonight. You are NOT alone!
It hurts me when I see in my son certain tendencies that I have. It kills me to think he will have some of the struggles I have had. *hugs*
We just keep on going, and keep on doing our best. As you said in your side bar-its our first time being a mother. Kids are resilient. Thank God for that. If they weren't, we never would have made it to adulthood.
I was a child and family therapist before coming home full time. I would have not said something like that to a parent in your situation, You are right that seeing ourselves in our children is so normal. The last thing you need is to be encouraged to feel guilty about that. And it really isn't an issue for counseling in most cases. My advice is to not let yourself get dragged into stuff that isn't helpful. If A is benefiting from counseling, then wonderful, but if she or the rest of the family are just getting self conscious and frustrated from it, it's okay to move on, either to a new counselor or just to take a break from the scene altogether. Some kids really do well with the extra processing time and others just start to feel "weird" or "bad" because they have to go to the counselor and other kids don't. They're fine to say, "it's time to move on," and they may or may not need to revisit their particular issue at a later time. Discussing a bunch of unrelated issues (ie who is a perfectionist in the family) is fine if you all feel that it is helpful, but if not, don't go there. There are plenty of perfectionists out there who aren't in counseling. They are going forward one day at a time and doing their best, and it is enough. You are a great mom and she is a great kid. Remember that.
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