Bad Friends

This week has been an emotional one for me. On Monday, Zach told Ken and I that a boy had showed him a bag of weed and some papers to roll it in and asked him if he wanted to smoke with him. Zach said he didn't and the kid told him not to tell anyone he had it because he would go to jail and get kicked out of school. Zach also had a friend tell him that the boys he is hanging out with have made it a goal to get him to smoke weed before the school year is up. On Tuesday Zach told us that his new good friend Kyle is headed to "juvi" for the rest of the year because he violated his probation. This is a bummer because now Kyle will have to repeat 8th grade AGAIN! But the day turned out okay because he and his other friends helped Kyle calm down so he didn't get in a fight with a kid he hates.

Can you say.....THIS MOTHER IS FREAKING OUT!!!!!!

This is my sweet baby boy. What is Satan trying to do to him?

Both Justyn and Zach have struggled making new friends. They are trying to convince me that EVERYBODY swears and EVERYBODY is only focused on sex and drugs! I refuse to believe them. They love it when I say, "I know two boys who don't!" as I point to them. They role their eyes and remind me that 6th and 8th grade are hard and that I just don't have a clue!

For Family Home Evening we talked about Holding On to our testimonies. The night before Justyn and Zach had attended the Stake Youth Fireside and our stake president had told them about Joseph and Potipher's wife and explained to them that they needed to FLEE!!!! from sin. It was such a spiritual evening and we all went to bed with new hope and goals to set our standards higher and to flee from sin.

Tuesday, Justyn came home and told me he sat with a boy he knew from another wards scout troop. I made a phone call to find out more about this young man. Justyn successfully found one more boy besides himself that does not swear. YES!!! He also has a friend in P.E. that comes from a very good family. It's amazing to me how important good friends are. If we have enough families on this side of town to have one full stake and half of another attend this one junior high, then surely there are parents out there who have taught and EXPECT their children to have high standards. So why do our children feel so alone in their beliefs?

Zach on the other hand has not done a thing to try to change his situation. Ken went in to the school and spoke with the school resource officer. She is a friend of Ken's and we were curious as to just how big the drug problem really is in this school. She had Zach visit with her and show her who the kids were that were offering him drugs. She then told him that he was hanging out with a very rough crowd and he needed to make better choices or he would find himself in a lot of trouble.

Hello!!!!

Still no change!

I have found myself on my hands and knees pleading with the Lord to please guide me in what I say to Zach and to please protect him until he figures it out. I feel so helpless. These years are so critical, and he's still innocent at this point!!!

It's like, when I was pregnant with Kate and my water had broke. My water had merconium in it so we knew she was stressed. I was dilated to a...0...with no contractions at all. Her heart dropped to 25 and everyone started to panic. It was 11:30 at night and the on-call doctor and nurses had gone home for the night and were at least 20 minutes away. As her little heart rate was unresponsive to the things they were trying to do to get it back up, I pleaded with them to save her life. They commented that it would take a few moments to get me numb enough before they could cut, there was no anesthesiologist in the hospital at that hour so we needed to wait,.... I kept telling them that she was alive right now, take her out. She may not be alive by the time everyone arrived. I would have given my life in that moment if it would have meant it would save hers. It seemed like an eternity and I was totally helpless. I could only watch the monitor and pray! Obviously it all turned out okay. I will never forget how helpless I felt. Her life was not in my control. I only had the power to pray!

Fast forward a few years....Once again I only have the power to pray. I told Zach last night I would put him in the other junior high if he did not change his friends by the end of the week. He told me it's just so hard. These friends have welcomed him into their group. One of the girls goes to church with us so they must be good kids, right? We talked about his future goals. He has set his standards high. We talked about his mission, college, his future family. He has a strong testimony of his beliefs. We talked about what true courage is. We talked about how you can't play in the mud with filthy pigs without getting filth on you(great visual, eh!); you can't rub up against a dirty shoulder without getting dirt on your shoulder. I asked him about a girl we knew from one of our previous wards. He said she sits alone and has no friends. He has never seen her talk to anyone. She is beautiful but very strange. I remember this girl. She was beautiful many years ago with an amazing testimony of the church. I told him that she was an example of true courage. She chooses to stand alone rather than smear herself with filth! We discusses how sad it is that she is alone in her beliefs. Why is she the minority and not the majority. Where are all the good LDS kids? We came up with some mock conversations he could have with his friends about his standards and how he will only surround himself with things that will uplift his spirit. I then sent him to bed and I found myself once again pleading for divine intervention.

On Sunday a speaker in Sacrament meeting discussed how the song "I am a Child of God" is actually a prayer if you change a few words. As I prayed last night the thought ran through my head:
Zach is Thy child, and Thou hast sent him here,
Please, Father, Lead him, Guide him, Walk beside him,
Help him find Thy way,
Help him know what he must do,
To live with Thee some day.

I know our prayers are heard and answered by a loving Heavenly Father.

Now we wait...

Weekly Catch-up Post

The last week has been intense. The newness of the new schools has worn off a little and we have dealt with a few new experiences.

-Zachary was in a class and a girl passed him a note and asked him he smoked weed. He said no. She asked him if he wanted to. He said no, he was a mormon and they don't do things like that. No big deal...(agghh!)

-Justyn had a friend from his old school tell some friends at his new school that he was gay and to stay away from him because he was such a freak. Kids can be cruel.... :(

-This has nothing to do with the new school but Kate was on the top bunk and the ceiling fan hit her face and knocked her to the floor. She looks pretty beat up and thought she was going to die. She came down the stairs pleading "please God, don't let me die, please God, I don't want to die." Needless to say Ken's attempt to be funny as he rushed in from work with his emergency gear bag from his patrol car and threw her on the couch and started to do CPR while exclaiming "she's going to die!" did not do much to sooth her fears as she let out a scream of shear terror. It was so funny but very traumatic for a little girl. Mean daddy!

-I finished my intersession class today. HOORAY!!! It was a 16 week class crammed into 4 weeks over Christmas break. My head hurts but I finished! Now three days to relax until I start my new semester of 15 credits on Tuesday.

-Shaelynne and Alexys are still loving their new classes and have made some really great friends.

-The boys are struggling a little more with making good friends but through prayer and patience, we know they will be blessed.

-Henry was discharged from developmental therapy on Tuesday. Yipee!!! Now just speech therapy twice a week. (and he starts preschool at the end of the month for two days a week).

-Ken's schedule changed from days to evenings. He is now working 4 p.m. to 2:45 a.m. four days a week. This new schedule will take some getting used to.

-After many, many years of playing the piano in Primary, I was released on Sunday. What will I do with myself?

-Ken and I also had to speak on Sunday in Sacrament meeting. Our topic was Family Home Evening, Family Scripture Study, Family Prayers, and Family Councils. We now have some new goals we are working towards. And we are glad that we won't have to speak again for a couple more years.

Top Ten Things We Like About Public School

10. no more riding the bus for the girls, the boys get to ride with all their friends from the neighborhood

9. having Ken's cousin work in the same school the girls go to so she can keep an eye on them, especially Alexys. No tears so far!! Cross your fingers for Monday though!.

8. P.E. and a real library that they can actually check books out of!

7. an extra recess at the elementary school (and actual toys on the playground instead of just playing on grass or pavement)

6. having all the kids on the same school schedule now!

5. finding old friends from previous wards and school classes

4. hot lunch and breakfast if they choose!

3. sleeping in an extra hour in the morning for the girls and half hour for the boys.

2. No more uniforms!

1. No more packing cold lunches in the morning before school!!! My grocery bill just decreased by $50+ a month!!

The rest of the story...

A few weeks ago my boys approached me with the idea that they were not happy at their current school, the charter school, and wanted to transfer over to the public school. I knew they felt this way as I too have been frustrated with this year. I don't like to make big changes like this though.

I suggested we Fast about it as a family in December. At the end of their Fast, both boys announced that they felt good about their decision to switch. I was hesitant and asked them to wait at least until after Christmas. They had been preparing for a concert and I felt they needed to finish out their commitments. They agreed. (Secretly I was hoping to buy enough time so I could find a reason for them to stay!)

As the month progressed, they both continued to struggle with their teachers and friends. It was hard to watch. (Zach has one teacher who proudly announced to me at parent-teacher conferences that she was on to Zach's game. He may have been able to fool every other teacher in the school into thinking he was a "sweet" boy but that she was able to see right through his little act. He was a "punk" and she was out to teach him a lesson. She made his life miserable at school!) He was also put on academic probation for getting a C- minus in Spanish and was separated from his friends at lunch because he was "too loud" and having "too much fun". Let me inject here, they have 300 junior high, high school students in a very small building. They have a 30 minute lunch where they are to eat quietly and then prepare for class. He laughed out loud because his friends threw pudding at each other. Then they hit him with the pudding, he was sent home from school because the brown pudding smudge on his white shirt violated dress code. Seriously???

Justyn has a teacher that is very nice, but odd! His question was, "How long to I have to go to a school where I just feel stupid everyday?" I went to his class and watched them perform "Julius Caesar". For only being 6th graders, it was impressive. They even tied it into the birth of Christ and ended with a little nativity scene in celebration of Christmas. I agree that the curriculum is very impressive. Yet the boys continued to struggle. There were many other things that bothered me, it's just boring to write them all down.

As they were preparing to start school again in January after Christmas break, they asked me if they were going to change schools. I told them I thought we should Fast about it one more time, I just wasn't sure what to do. I felt like they were not finding success at the charter school. My ultimate goal for them is to surround them with positive experiences that will help them make correct decisions in their futures. Would they find those opportunities at the charter school? Would they do better in the public schools? How do I know? Where were the answers I wanted to find?

Alexys struggles with going to school. Every Sunday evening she panics. She cries all night and can't sleep. Then she cries all Monday morning, can't get on the bus, we take her to school and leave her crying with her teacher. She cries most of the day and then does okay the rest of the week until Sunday night again. We have no idea what she is dealing with or how to help her. We finally resorted to having her drink a Chamomile tea at night that helps her relax and sleep but even that is not "fixed" her anxiety issues. It's especially bad after a long weekend or a vacation.

On Sunday evening, Alexys' tears began. The boys questioned again if I was going to switch their schools the next day. Alexys then suggested that she would like to change schools. Shaelynne added that if everyone else was changing, she wanted to change as well. I told them that none of them had good enough reasons to convince me that this was the right decision. Ken kindly pulled me aside and reminded me that we had both felt many times what the right answer was for our children and that now I needed to stop asking the same question and decide if I was going to follow through with the answer I had received. I told them they could all stay home from school on Monday and we'd see what happened. (I handled it all so well!...or Not!)

That evening my prayers changed. I began to ask for courage instead. Monday we took the girls over the to the elementary school that Kate goes to and registered them. Because we are not in that schools boundaries, we had to petition to get in. The principal was very kind and worked hard to match the girls personalities with the right teacher for them. We left feeling so good about our decision to switch them which seemed odd to me since they weren't even part of the original question.

The registration at the junior high was a little more stressful and I worried about how the boys would transition, especially Justyn since the 6th grade changes classes at the junior high and his class over at the charter school was in one classroom with one teacher. I was sure he would get lost the first day.

We then headed over to the charter school to withdraw them. At Zach's building, the adults in the front office were so negative about our decision to change. One woman, who is a member of our stake and her children ride the bus with my kids so they know each other very well, was very honest with her feelings of not agreeing with our decision. I explained that the kids had Fasted and prayed about their decision and they felt good about it. She said there are some times when the parent should overrule the kids. This was one of them. I nodded and said she may be right. Inside I was furious. Not really at her, but sort of.

I told Ken he would have to do the withdrawal at the elementary school since I was tired of hearing how wrong our decision was. He supported my decision to sit in the car and sulk.

That night we both went to bed emotionally drained. The next day would be the "first day of school" for our children and we hoped we had made the right decision. Okay, we knew our decision was right, we just were dealing with a lot of emotion.

I continued to think alot about the woman's comment that we should have pulled a parent trump card and overruled our children's decision. Then the thought came clearly to my mind: "You asked them to prayerfully search for an answer to their questions. They did and received answers. Are you going to deny them the blessings of their faith and obedience?"

I got it! There was a bigger lesson here than just which school to attend. This was about building their testimonies. This was teaching them to trust their feelings and know that God indeed hears and answers their prayers. If I overrule their decision, what am I really teaching them? They made a decision, now they have the opportunity to own that decision.

We met the girls teachers and I thought they seemed great. I was excited for them. Justyn was met at the office by his homeroom teacher. They went over his schedule and then he left with her to go figure out his locker and find some of his classrooms. I stood at the office and watched him walk away. All that I could do at that point was say a prayer in my heart that he would survive.

We took Zach to find his locker and couple of his classrooms. Then the bell rang and the halls flooded with kids and Zach disappeared. Ken took my hand and we walked to our car.

Now we waited.....and hoped....and knew they were going to have the best day of their lives so far! We finally felt total peace with our decision. We feel like we are slowly moving into more of a supporting role instead of the dominate role we once claimed. It's hard to let your kids grow up. It's kind of hard for me to grow up as well.



P.S. They all had a wonderful first day of school. They met so many new friends, found many long lost friends, and all seemed more grown up. They did homework for hours and couldn't stop talking about all the new things they had experienced that day. The energy level was so high in our house that Ken and I had to leave because we felt "overstimulated". It's all good!

Sick Day

I was SOOOO sick yesterday. I NEVER get sick! Okay, I often don't feel well, but I never get the illnesses that the rest of my family gets. The kids have had swine flu, bronchitis, pink eye, fevers, various flu's and colds over the last few months and I have not gotten any of it.

I couldn't help the kids get off to school or talk to them about how their day went. I couldn't make dinner or clean the house or do laundry (all the things I normally grumble about doing). I just laid on the couch and concentrated on breathing while drifting in and out of consciousness. I helplessly watched Henry destroy the house and relied on others to get my kids to and from school.

I decided that the thing I hate most about being sick is that I waste an entire day of my life that I can never get back!!

Today I feel much better, not 100%, but I can function. Now to make up for missing yesterday...

Houston, we have a problem!

I have so much catch up to do on this blog. I am in between semesters right now so I should have tons of time....but I am taking a 3 credit English Literature class and it is taking up A LOT of my time! and what's left of my brain.


The kids have been proposing a solution to a problem they feel we have for the last couple of months. I am in denial that we have a problem let alone feel the need to deal with it. I finally suggested that we have a family fast in December and see what the Lord prompted us to do. The kids received their answers immediately. I suggested we wait until after Christmas to make our final decision. Throughout the month, little things continuously happened that suggested to me the answers to our Fast. Out of fear, I began to rationalize these situations until I had minimized them into mere coincidences.

Saturday, the kids questioned me again about their proposal. I once again suggested we should participate in a family fast the following day and then make a decision. The all rolled their eyes but agreed to humor my request. Ken pulled me aside and kindly asked, "How many times are you going to ask for something that you already know the answer to?"

He was right. As I reviewed the incidences of the previous month, I realized how much our Heavenly Father loves my children. He DID answer their prayers. I was the road block to those answers though. I felt very humbled. I felt prompted to read Elder Scott's conference talk. He taught that listening to the promptings of the Spirit and allowing feelings like fear to get in the way is like trying to eat a grape and a jalapeno pepper at the same time. It's very difficult to taste the grape because the flavor of the pepper is so strong.

My prayers then turned from "What should we do?" to "Help me have the courage to do it".

Today I feel peace....

And my kids are so excited!!!!





to be continued.....

Fun Christmas Surprise

We had the opportunity to visit with some friends that we haven't seen in over 8 years. We lived in the same ward as the Price family when Ken was a student at BYU. We had 2 kids at the time, they had none. Now we have 6 kids and they have 5. I love how time can change our lives but never erase true friendships. Even though we had a house full of kids, it was as though time had stood still. We loved every minute they were here.

Cute Little Criminals

This was in the back of Ken's patrol car. Don't they have the sweetest faces?

Thanks for your visit, Tyler and Rachelle! Maybe someday we will get to visit you in California.