A few weeks ago my boys approached me with the idea that they were not happy at their current school, the charter school, and wanted to transfer over to the public school. I knew they felt this way as I too have been frustrated with this year. I don't like to make big changes like this though.
I suggested we Fast about it as a family in December. At the end of their Fast, both boys announced that they felt good about their decision to switch. I was hesitant and asked them to wait at least until after Christmas. They had been preparing for a concert and I felt they needed to finish out their commitments. They agreed. (Secretly I was hoping to buy enough time so I could find a reason for them to stay!)
As the month progressed, they both continued to struggle with their teachers and friends. It was hard to watch. (Zach has one teacher who proudly announced to me at parent-teacher conferences that she was on to Zach's game. He may have been able to fool every other teacher in the school into thinking he was a "sweet" boy but that she was able to see right through his little act. He was a "punk" and she was out to teach him a lesson. She made his life miserable at school!) He was also put on academic probation for getting a C- minus in Spanish and was separated from his friends at lunch because he was "too loud" and having "too much fun". Let me inject here, they have 300 junior high, high school students in a very small building. They have a 30 minute lunch where they are to eat quietly and then prepare for class. He laughed out loud because his friends threw pudding at each other. Then they hit him with the pudding, he was sent home from school because the brown pudding smudge on his white shirt violated dress code. Seriously???
Justyn has a teacher that is very nice, but odd! His question was, "How long to I have to go to a school where I just feel stupid everyday?" I went to his class and watched them perform "Julius Caesar". For only being 6th graders, it was impressive. They even tied it into the birth of Christ and ended with a little nativity scene in celebration of Christmas. I agree that the curriculum is very impressive. Yet the boys continued to struggle. There were many other things that bothered me, it's just boring to write them all down.
As they were preparing to start school again in January after Christmas break, they asked me if they were going to change schools. I told them I thought we should Fast about it one more time, I just wasn't sure what to do. I felt like they were not finding success at the charter school. My ultimate goal for them is to surround them with positive experiences that will help them make correct decisions in their futures. Would they find those opportunities at the charter school? Would they do better in the public schools? How do I know? Where were the answers I wanted to find?
Alexys struggles with going to school. Every Sunday evening she panics. She cries all night and can't sleep. Then she cries all Monday morning, can't get on the bus, we take her to school and leave her crying with her teacher. She cries most of the day and then does okay the rest of the week until Sunday night again. We have no idea what she is dealing with or how to help her. We finally resorted to having her drink a Chamomile tea at night that helps her relax and sleep but even that is not "fixed" her anxiety issues. It's especially bad after a long weekend or a vacation.
On Sunday evening, Alexys' tears began. The boys questioned again if I was going to switch their schools the next day. Alexys then suggested that she would like to change schools. Shaelynne added that if everyone else was changing, she wanted to change as well. I told them that none of them had good enough reasons to convince me that this was the right decision. Ken kindly pulled me aside and reminded me that we had both felt many times what the right answer was for our children and that now I needed to stop asking the same question and decide if I was going to follow through with the answer I had received. I told them they could all stay home from school on Monday and we'd see what happened. (I handled it all so well!...or Not!)
That evening my prayers changed. I began to ask for courage instead. Monday we took the girls over the to the elementary school that Kate goes to and registered them. Because we are not in that schools boundaries, we had to petition to get in. The principal was very kind and worked hard to match the girls personalities with the right teacher for them. We left feeling so good about our decision to switch them which seemed odd to me since they weren't even part of the original question.
The registration at the junior high was a little more stressful and I worried about how the boys would transition, especially Justyn since the 6th grade changes classes at the junior high and his class over at the charter school was in one classroom with one teacher. I was sure he would get lost the first day.
We then headed over to the charter school to withdraw them. At Zach's building, the adults in the front office were so negative about our decision to change. One woman, who is a member of our stake and her children ride the bus with my kids so they know each other very well, was very honest with her feelings of not agreeing with our decision. I explained that the kids had Fasted and prayed about their decision and they felt good about it. She said there are some times when the parent should overrule the kids. This was one of them. I nodded and said she may be right. Inside I was furious. Not really at her, but sort of.
I told Ken he would have to do the withdrawal at the elementary school since I was tired of hearing how wrong our decision was. He supported my decision to sit in the car and sulk.
That night we both went to bed emotionally drained. The next day would be the "first day of school" for our children and we hoped we had made the right decision. Okay, we knew our decision was right, we just were dealing with a lot of emotion.
I continued to think alot about the woman's comment that we should have pulled a parent trump card and overruled our children's decision. Then the thought came clearly to my mind: "You asked them to prayerfully search for an answer to their questions. They did and received answers. Are you going to deny them the blessings of their faith and obedience?"
I got it! There was a bigger lesson here than just which school to attend. This was about building their testimonies. This was teaching them to trust their feelings and know that God indeed hears and answers their prayers. If I overrule their decision, what am I really teaching them? They made a decision, now they have the opportunity to own that decision.
We met the girls teachers and I thought they seemed great. I was excited for them. Justyn was met at the office by his homeroom teacher. They went over his schedule and then he left with her to go figure out his locker and find some of his classrooms. I stood at the office and watched him walk away. All that I could do at that point was say a prayer in my heart that he would survive.
We took Zach to find his locker and couple of his classrooms. Then the bell rang and the halls flooded with kids and Zach disappeared. Ken took my hand and we walked to our car.
Now we waited.....and hoped....and knew they were going to have the best day of their lives so far! We finally felt total peace with our decision. We feel like we are slowly moving into more of a supporting role instead of the dominate role we once claimed. It's hard to let your kids grow up. It's kind of hard for me to grow up as well.
P.S. They all had a wonderful first day of school. They met so many new friends, found many long lost friends, and all seemed more grown up. They did homework for hours and couldn't stop talking about all the new things they had experienced that day. The energy level was so high in our house that Ken and I had to leave because we felt "overstimulated". It's all good!
