Decisions Determine Destiny

Yesterday the youth in our stake attended a youth encampment which was themed "Decisions Determine Destiny." My two older boys attended and have been talking about it since. They were priviliged to hear from our own Elder Nelson who is now a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy. He spoke to them about how their futures will be determined by the choices they make today. Zach and Justyn are in charge of our Sunday Evening Meeting and they will teach us more of what they learned. I love watching their testimonies grow.

Justyn passed the sacrament today for the second time but since I was in the hall with Henry last time, this was the first time I got to watch him. I was so proud of him...his young handsome body dressed in a white shirt and tie, looking so grown up and responsible, trying so hard to honor his priesthood and perform his newly called duties to perfection. Sensing his doubt and glimpsing his lack of confidence, I felt my emotions rise as I fought back my desire to reassure him and offer him guidance. Unable to help him, I just watched as he did his best and took cues from the other men also passing the sacrement. At the completion of the passing of the sacrament, he took his seat behind the bishop, this being his first week assigned as the bishop's messenger. I saw a look of relief cross over his face as he sunk into his cushioned chair. He glanced at me, I smiled at him, he smiled back and then sat a little taller, realizing that he had survived and that he had done a good job. Again my emotions welled up inside me as I felt his pride and watched his confidence grow. I love my mom job!!

The first speakers topic was on choices. I loved her talk. She explained that we are given our free agency to make our own choices but we are not free to choose the consequences. She then related it to a farmer planting crops. If a farmer plants peas, he cannot expect to harvest peaches. We sow what we reap. OUR DECISIONS DETERMINE OUR DESTINY!!!

Which led me to once again ponder a question that has weighed heavily on my mind the last several months. Okay, just about 2 years now. Who am I? and What am I supposed to do with my life? I understand that my decisions affect my future. Even bigger than that is the realization that my decisions affect the future of those around me also. So what goal am I working towards?

I always knew that I would grow up, get married, and have children. So, at the young age of ...gulp...34, I have gotten older, I did marry, and I had children. Now what? I've changed diapers for 14 years now, I've done thousands of loads of laundry, cleaned my house every day only to have it all undone before the day was over, kissed away a million tears, listened to childhood prayers, listened to endless hours of chattering and laughter, saved boxes full of drawings and love notes, and I have loved every minute of it.

I boxed up all my maternity clothes and handed them over to my younger sister last week and faced the reality that I would never be in the "maternity hand me down" rotation again. I gave my crib and baby items to the D.I., my changing table went in the garbage, and I boxed up the last of the under size 2 clothing sizes that came through the laundry, getting them ready to pass back to my sister. I am done folding tiny onesies and footed sleepers, baby blankets and spit towels. And while I know it's okay, I sometimes feel the sting of knowing I'm finished with that phase of my life.

So what's next on my to-do list? I've done the three big ones. Honestly, I fill like a fish out of water. I don't know what I'm working towards now. Oh yeah..., missions, graduations, marriages.

But my kids don't need me like they used to. I'm realizing that my role is changing and I find myself often watching from the bench, praying for their success, and sending them a smile and word of encouragement every chance I get. I'm just not sure I'm ready to let them go quite yet....don't they still need me?

Yes, I know they do...but my role is different now. I still have little ones that need my attention, and the cooking and cleaning will always be incomplete. I also know that no matter how old they get, there will still be tears that need kissed away, dreams to be listened to, accomplishments to applaud, hands to hold, sounds of chattering and laughter to be enjoyed as memories are created, and sometimes even a child curled up in my lap, offering a moment of escape and safety from the outside world.

So,Who am I? That's an easy one. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter of goodly parents, and I am a child of God!

And, What am I supposed to do with my life? I asked my Heavenly Father that question in prayer recently and my answer was "FOCUS ON ETERNITY while FINDING JOY IN THE JOURNEY!"

As I continue to "grow up", my understanding of how my decisions determine my destiny becomes so much clearer. I have so much to learn and so far to go to my goal of perfection and exaltation. For now, I can only take baby steps, focusing not only on the future that I can comprehend with my physical mind, but on eternity. And since I'm going, I might as well look for and create joy along the way. And I will follow the words of President Hinckley “try a little harder to be a little better” (Ensign, May 1995, 88).

So much to do, so much to learn, no time to waste.

I'm off to make dinner, do dishes, have our family meeting with my children, listen to prayers, clean up messes, wipe dirty faces, change another diaper, return dishes to my neighbors, take a walk with my husband, and undoubted a few other unexpected things before I finally think about going to bed myself, but I love who I am becoming and I love the way I chose to learn it.

I have six beautiful children, and a wonderful husband. My life is good!

Ouch

Yesterday we were planning to attend my nephews baptism in Utah. The plan was to run the kids over to the school to pick up their year book, fill the car up with gas, pick up some snacks, meet Ken around noon and get on the road as soon as possible.

I told Zeek to come with me and SissySue, KittyKat and Hank insisted on coming along as well. I told Jet and LuLu to lock the door behind me and that we'd be back in an hour. I instructed SissySue to buckle up KittyKat and Hank and we headed down the road.

It was raining and I was thinking through what I needed to do in order to be ready to leave in a couple hours. There was a garage sale and so there were cars and people parked along the side of the road. I'm not exactly sure what went wrong. I thought I was watching my driving. I had glanced at my speed and I was going exactly 45 mph, the posted speed limit. I had adjusted my wipers so my window was clear. I was not listening to the radio. I was not following any cars too closely, I don't even remember a car being in front of me. I was casually conversing with the kids, I was very aware of all the cars and people around me. I was not stressed or distracted.

Suddenly, there was a pick up directly in front of me, stopped and signalling to turn left. I screamed, hit my brakes, and swerved to avoid hitting him directly. We hit the back corner of his truck bed. I heard my car break! I watched as our impact on the truck lurched him into oncoming traffic. He quickly swerved and missed any other vehicles. Then my attention quickly was redirected to the fact that my car was still moving. The impact of the hit had NOT stopped us.

We were still moving forward. We were off the main road, driving down the side bank. I pushed on the brakes as hard as I could. Nothing. I pushed again. Still nothing. I looked down and noticed the brake was pushed all the way to the floor. It was broke. Okay, what's plan B?

I push on the emergency brake. Nothing. I double checked to see if I was pushing the right lever. It too was pushed all the way to the floor and we were not slowing down at all. I couldn't decided if my car was even still running. I pushed on the gas pedal, we lurched forward! Crap! That didn't help! But I did figure out that the engine was still running. I screamed, "I can't stop! Our brakes are broke!"

I began to quickly look around for something to hit that would stop our car without putting the kids or any other person into anymore danger. I couldn't see anything and we were quickly approaching another intersection and running out of safe bank on the side of the road.

I began to plead, "Heavenly Father, please help me stop this car!" Suddenly I heard Zeek say, "Mom, turn off the key." What? Again, "Mom, TURN OFF THE KEY NOW!!!" I did! We slowed down and safely came to a stop. It was all over that fast!

I checked the kids. They were all safe. I pushed on my door. It was jammed. I forced it open, climbed out, and told the kids to stay put. I crossed the road and walked back to the other vehicle. I asked the man if he was okay. He screamed at me and asked me if I had not seen him. I just shook me head. I had no idea what had just happened. I apologized and asked him if he had a cell phone to call the police with. He said no but that he was okay.

There was a third vehicle that was also stopped. A woman was standing next to that car. I asked her if she was hurt. She said no but that she had seen it all was not leaving until she had given her statement to the police. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and asked her if she had a cell phone. She said she did but that the call had probably already been made to the police. I asked her to please call anyways. She handed her phone to me and said, "It's your wreck, you call it in!" I thanked her and called 911.

I told the dispatcher what had happened, gave our location, told her there were no injuries and both vehicles were off the road. I then asked her to call my husbands number and let him know that I had just been in a wreck and needed him to respond. I handed the phone back to the woman, looked at the debries from my car all over the road, and headed back to my car to check on my kids.

By the time I got to my car, I was sobbing! I was in shock! I told the kids to get out of the car and stand over next to the fence. None of the kids had jackets on, Hank was only wearing a t-shirt and diaper, KittyKat was missing shoes and it was raining. The car was making some leaking noises so I didn't dare let the kids back into the car.

The fire department showed up within a few minutes. They checked the car out and said it was not drivable (I sort of knew that) and that since the airbags had not deployed, the car was not in stable condition.

Ken pulled up about then and had to explain that he was married to me and not there to take the report.

City officers showed up shortly and Ken put the kids in the back of his car to get them out of the rain. A bonus to being married to a cop is that when you get in a wreck, the firemen and other officers are very nice to you! I filled out a statement, an officer took the boys home, my sub was towed, and Ken took me and the girls home.

The only injuries were Zeek hit his knee on the dash board of the car and has a slight bruise, SissySue has a mark from where the seatbelt tightened against her chest, and I have a small cut on my toe, probably from ramming my foot through the brakes! Not a mark can be found on the two little ones. I have some whiplash today and we are all whiped out! No one got out of bed before 10:30 this morning.

My mom asked Zeek how he knew to shut the car off. He told her that the night before he had been reading about car parts on the internet and had read that if your brakes don't work, either jump out of the car, or turn the engine off. He had decided that since jumping out might hurt, he should save that as a last resort and try turning off the engine first.

Zeek told me later, "It's so weird, Grandma is treating my like I'm a hero or something. I wasn't a hero. When you said the brakes didn't work, I just knew exactly what to do. I had read that exact information the night before. It wasn't really a big deal. I'm just glad it worked and we didn't have to jump!"

I'm reminded of a favorite primary song:

Through a still, small voice
The Spirit speaks to me,
To guide,
To save me,
From the evils I may see.

If I try to do what's right,
He will lead me through the night,
Direct me,
Protect me,
And give my soul his light.

Listen, listen
The Holy Ghost will whisper.
Listen, listen
To the still, small voice.
(CS 106)

I'm thankful for a Father in Heaven who heard my plea and sent an answer which allowed my teenage son to feel the powerful promptings of the still, small voice and be an instrument in His hands!

Definitely a Hero!

And neither of our testimonies will never be the same!

Caught!

Guys and Dolls

The middle school performed the musical "Guys and Dolls". Zeek was cast as a....GUY! :)

He loved it!!!!

He was recently accepted to be in the schools "dance company" class. This was the first time I had really seen him perform. I had no idea he could really dance! He was in the Havanna dance and when he came onto stage all dressed in black with a beautiful young lady who was also dressed in a tiny black dress and they performed this romantic little number, I was in the audience hyperventilating!!!! When he lifted her into a spin and I saw her....?....I gasped out loud! Poor Zeek! He has to be humiliated by his overprotective mother!

He looked amazing and did a great job! I was very proud of him! Who knew that he could look so cute, or he was so talented ?

Alice in Wonderland

Because the elementary age kids were not able to participate in the big school production this year, the music and dance teachers decided to have grades 3 through 6 each put on a class production of Alice in Wonderland. Each class had their own cast and individual performances. Sissy Sue and Jet were both cast as "cards". They enjoyed learning the songs and performing with their classes, though it was hard to get a picture of them smiling...hummm! It was fun to watch and see the personalities of each class. Have I mentioned before how much I love the school my kids attend? *wink*

Our Little Star

LuLu played basketball this winter. She was so small but tried really hard. She didn't enjoy being aggressive with the other girls but one of the referees was really kind and would make sure she had a chance to shoot. She amazed us by making the basket everytime she had the ball. While she may not have a professional future ahead of her, she is a perfectionist and figured the game out enough to have a good time. We were proud of her for trying and learning something new!

Memorial Day

We took the kids down to Centennial Park for a little picnic. Kitty Kat and LuLu's throats were very sore so we had to cut our outing short. They did humor me for a few pictures. It was a beautiful day. I love family time!