Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
My Story:
I had to turn in this assignment for my education class. Since I have many family that read this and probably have no clue what my major is and why I chose it, I decided to post this here for them to read. The assignment was to reflect on our decision to pursue education, tell our story, what our biggest motivators are and also, what our fears are. So, here it is...
I don’t really have a story. I just have a feeling.
I have been a stay-at home mom for the last 14 years. Before that I was surviving and just trying to move onto the next phase of my life. As a child my favorite game to play was house and school. We had a little old fashioned desk in our unfinished basement. My dad had broken chunks of sheet rock laying around that we would use to write on the unfinished cement walls. I played with my sister and since we both wanted to be the teacher, we would bring our babies to school and teach them during the day and then take them home to our bedrooms to be their mothers at night. This game continued day after day for years. I knew that all girls grew up to be good moms who taught their children.
Then I started Jr. High and I started hearing about careers choices others were making and decided that being a teacher by day and a mother in the evenings did not sound like I had set very high goals for myself so I randomly picked a career that I had heard that sounded important and from that point on, that was what I was going to be when I grew up. I was going to be an Interior Decorator. As I graduated from high school and adults and peers around me would ask me what my major in college was going to be, I would tell them the career I had chosen in Jr. High and I knew from their reactions that I had chosen a field that they approved of. I entered a University and began my first semester of college on my journey to becoming rich and distinguished. I attended my first class in my major, looked around the room at all the students I would be competing against, opened my book to my first page, and felt sick to my stomach. I knew I had made a mistake. I finished that semester and actually one more before heading home to reevaluate my future. I decided to fall back on the classes I did well in and enjoyed while I was in high school. I began taking business and accounting classes through CSI at the extension center in Burley and once again, I had the feeling that I was in the wrong major. Rather than continuing to waste my time and money, I decided to take some time off from school and just work. I was frustrated and discouraged. I had no clue what I was supposed to do.
I met my husband that next summer, was married that fall and three years later found myself with two children and moving my little family 1000 miles east to support my husband as he went back to school to complete his bachelor’s degree. The next 10 years were spent supporting him and raising my children. I always knew that I would return to school someday though, so I was always on the lookout for things I enjoyed that I could make a career out of.
While we were living here in Twin, my husband was working in law enforcement and my children were attending an elementary school where several children, of people my husband had arrested, also attended. As these children began to figure out who my son’s father was, I could see problems begin to surface. The best option, we came up with at the time, was to bring our children home for a couple of years. I would home school them until we could move and he was transferred to a different position within his work. I spent the next 4 years homeschooling my children. While I wouldn’t say our home school years were a success, I learned a lot about myself. When the time came to enroll them back into school, I found that I missed the curriculum and the constant learning environment that was in our home. I missed the assignments and the projects and I was really bored. I decided it was time to figure out my own education and go back to school.
I spent hours reading through every single major offered at CSI. I spent days reading the course requirements and the course summaries. I researched careers online and took several career placement tests. I still had no idea what to major in. I finally decided to talk to a counselor here on campus. I told him my goal was to get a four year degree. He sent me to talk to the Boise State representative and the Idaho State education representative. The Boise rep was gone to lunch so I went over to talk to the Idaho State rep first. As I visited with her, my heart started racing and my hands began to sweat and I had goose bumps on my arms. As I left her office, I had tears in my eyes. I knew that after years of searching and praying for an answer, that education was where I was suppose to focus my learning.
Coming into this class I have a lot of questions. I don’t know what I have to offer. I don’t know what my interests are. I just know that I love children and I want to do something good with my life. I know that as a mother, I have learned and grown so much from teaching my own children and they seem to be turning out okay so far. I know that in my homeschooling years, I loved the Classical learning style and since my children are back in school, I love the education and discipline programs that their charter school has implemented, so I’m thinking that direction. Beyond that, I have no idea.
I have a lot of fears. One of my biggest fears is also my biggest motivator; my emotions. I lead with my emotions and I stumble over my emotions. I hope to learn how to balance that all out. Also, I have children of my own and some days and stages I really struggle being around them. What if I feel this same way towards other people’s children? Sometimes I talk too much and don’t listen enough and sometimes I’m just really boring to be around. What if I’m just not a good teacher? Finally, I’m afraid of working outside of my home away from my children. I don’t want to take away from them. I want them to always be my first priority.
I love that our text book encourages us to stop and really ponder the answers to the questions asked. I hope that as I work through this class, the answers will continue to come. I’m scared but I am determined. My personal motto has become “Do hard things.” I’m looking forward to seeing where this road leads to.
I don’t really have a story. I just have a feeling.
I have been a stay-at home mom for the last 14 years. Before that I was surviving and just trying to move onto the next phase of my life. As a child my favorite game to play was house and school. We had a little old fashioned desk in our unfinished basement. My dad had broken chunks of sheet rock laying around that we would use to write on the unfinished cement walls. I played with my sister and since we both wanted to be the teacher, we would bring our babies to school and teach them during the day and then take them home to our bedrooms to be their mothers at night. This game continued day after day for years. I knew that all girls grew up to be good moms who taught their children.
Then I started Jr. High and I started hearing about careers choices others were making and decided that being a teacher by day and a mother in the evenings did not sound like I had set very high goals for myself so I randomly picked a career that I had heard that sounded important and from that point on, that was what I was going to be when I grew up. I was going to be an Interior Decorator. As I graduated from high school and adults and peers around me would ask me what my major in college was going to be, I would tell them the career I had chosen in Jr. High and I knew from their reactions that I had chosen a field that they approved of. I entered a University and began my first semester of college on my journey to becoming rich and distinguished. I attended my first class in my major, looked around the room at all the students I would be competing against, opened my book to my first page, and felt sick to my stomach. I knew I had made a mistake. I finished that semester and actually one more before heading home to reevaluate my future. I decided to fall back on the classes I did well in and enjoyed while I was in high school. I began taking business and accounting classes through CSI at the extension center in Burley and once again, I had the feeling that I was in the wrong major. Rather than continuing to waste my time and money, I decided to take some time off from school and just work. I was frustrated and discouraged. I had no clue what I was supposed to do.
I met my husband that next summer, was married that fall and three years later found myself with two children and moving my little family 1000 miles east to support my husband as he went back to school to complete his bachelor’s degree. The next 10 years were spent supporting him and raising my children. I always knew that I would return to school someday though, so I was always on the lookout for things I enjoyed that I could make a career out of.
While we were living here in Twin, my husband was working in law enforcement and my children were attending an elementary school where several children, of people my husband had arrested, also attended. As these children began to figure out who my son’s father was, I could see problems begin to surface. The best option, we came up with at the time, was to bring our children home for a couple of years. I would home school them until we could move and he was transferred to a different position within his work. I spent the next 4 years homeschooling my children. While I wouldn’t say our home school years were a success, I learned a lot about myself. When the time came to enroll them back into school, I found that I missed the curriculum and the constant learning environment that was in our home. I missed the assignments and the projects and I was really bored. I decided it was time to figure out my own education and go back to school.
I spent hours reading through every single major offered at CSI. I spent days reading the course requirements and the course summaries. I researched careers online and took several career placement tests. I still had no idea what to major in. I finally decided to talk to a counselor here on campus. I told him my goal was to get a four year degree. He sent me to talk to the Boise State representative and the Idaho State education representative. The Boise rep was gone to lunch so I went over to talk to the Idaho State rep first. As I visited with her, my heart started racing and my hands began to sweat and I had goose bumps on my arms. As I left her office, I had tears in my eyes. I knew that after years of searching and praying for an answer, that education was where I was suppose to focus my learning.
Coming into this class I have a lot of questions. I don’t know what I have to offer. I don’t know what my interests are. I just know that I love children and I want to do something good with my life. I know that as a mother, I have learned and grown so much from teaching my own children and they seem to be turning out okay so far. I know that in my homeschooling years, I loved the Classical learning style and since my children are back in school, I love the education and discipline programs that their charter school has implemented, so I’m thinking that direction. Beyond that, I have no idea.
I have a lot of fears. One of my biggest fears is also my biggest motivator; my emotions. I lead with my emotions and I stumble over my emotions. I hope to learn how to balance that all out. Also, I have children of my own and some days and stages I really struggle being around them. What if I feel this same way towards other people’s children? Sometimes I talk too much and don’t listen enough and sometimes I’m just really boring to be around. What if I’m just not a good teacher? Finally, I’m afraid of working outside of my home away from my children. I don’t want to take away from them. I want them to always be my first priority.
I love that our text book encourages us to stop and really ponder the answers to the questions asked. I hope that as I work through this class, the answers will continue to come. I’m scared but I am determined. My personal motto has become “Do hard things.” I’m looking forward to seeing where this road leads to.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Another first in my book of traumatic mommy moments
One of my callings in church is Activity Days Leader. I share this calling with my neighbor and since the church we are currently assigned to is clear across town, I have happily offered up my house as our place of meeting. I really enjoy these girls and love my calling.
Yesterday, was a first for this mom....
We had the girls over to make lip gloss and talk about friendship. There is a young lady who has turned 12 but has asked if she could continue to come to Activity Days for a while. I had my suspicions as to why she was asking for this but yesterday she was very vocal about her reasons. She asked where Zach was. I told her at Cross Country practice. She said, "I know. I know everything about Zach." I looked at her funny and her little sister piped in, "Yea, she loves Zach. Look at her leg." Sure enough, on her leg she had written, "I love Zach!" I laughed. Then she showed me her arm and her hand and her notebook. Then she told me all about the posters she has made and hung in her bedroom and her locker at school and how all her books are covered with "I love Zach." She says, " I just can't help it, he's sooooo cute! I just love him so much!" I smiled, trying to recover from my shock, and said, "I agree, think he's cute and I really love him too." She laughed and said, "So we're the same." I said, "Oh no, we're not! I'm his mother. I get to love him. You're his friend and you're 12." I wanted to add alot more things but I didn't want to look like a crazy, overprotective mother. The rest of the afternoon was more of the same from her and I managed to keep my mouth shut. When Zach got home, I met him at the door and told him to disappear. He looked at me funny, saw her and seemed to understand the unspoken message I was yelling at him through my eyes, and he headed up stairs where he stayed for the rest of the activity. I'm just a little thrown off with how forward she was with her feelings about him to me, not just as her leader but, HELLO! I'm HIS MOTHER! I also am a little thrown off with the way she dresses. I know what the styles are and I really like her so I don't mean for this to be a personal attack against her but we are talking about my 13 year old son's virgin eyes here. She was wearing a green tank top with bra-type straps and a brown bra. How do I know this? Because the brown bra straps were falling off of her shoulders along with the green tank top straps and every time she moved, her "blessings" were falling out all over the place. It was awkward for all of us, not just for me, but for the other girls as well because her bra and "blessings" were all that the other girls could talk about the entire activity. They kept teasing her all afternoon and she liked it since all the other girls are under 10 and not so "blessed" yet. I seemed to be extra sensitive that day for some reason, and did not want Zach to hear any of this conversation. We talked about it later. He thinks I'm nuts. He was a little overwhelmed with her being so vocal about everything though. I know who he likes and she isn't on his list, at least not today. So, now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable about having her come back. Zach told me I had nothing to worry about, that I raised him to have higher standards than that and to trust him. I told him I would trust him as long as he behaved himself but I didn't have to trust her or any person he choses to hang out with. And, it's my job to keep a VERY close eye on him. I was a teenager once and I know a little bit about the kind of trouble that girls can find to get into. Since I can't undo my past, I am left with using it to torture my children with. Hopefully, it all works out in the end.
In the meantime, I know some of her Young Women leaders read this.....HELP!!!
Yesterday, was a first for this mom....
We had the girls over to make lip gloss and talk about friendship. There is a young lady who has turned 12 but has asked if she could continue to come to Activity Days for a while. I had my suspicions as to why she was asking for this but yesterday she was very vocal about her reasons. She asked where Zach was. I told her at Cross Country practice. She said, "I know. I know everything about Zach." I looked at her funny and her little sister piped in, "Yea, she loves Zach. Look at her leg." Sure enough, on her leg she had written, "I love Zach!" I laughed. Then she showed me her arm and her hand and her notebook. Then she told me all about the posters she has made and hung in her bedroom and her locker at school and how all her books are covered with "I love Zach." She says, " I just can't help it, he's sooooo cute! I just love him so much!" I smiled, trying to recover from my shock, and said, "I agree, think he's cute and I really love him too." She laughed and said, "So we're the same." I said, "Oh no, we're not! I'm his mother. I get to love him. You're his friend and you're 12." I wanted to add alot more things but I didn't want to look like a crazy, overprotective mother. The rest of the afternoon was more of the same from her and I managed to keep my mouth shut. When Zach got home, I met him at the door and told him to disappear. He looked at me funny, saw her and seemed to understand the unspoken message I was yelling at him through my eyes, and he headed up stairs where he stayed for the rest of the activity. I'm just a little thrown off with how forward she was with her feelings about him to me, not just as her leader but, HELLO! I'm HIS MOTHER! I also am a little thrown off with the way she dresses. I know what the styles are and I really like her so I don't mean for this to be a personal attack against her but we are talking about my 13 year old son's virgin eyes here. She was wearing a green tank top with bra-type straps and a brown bra. How do I know this? Because the brown bra straps were falling off of her shoulders along with the green tank top straps and every time she moved, her "blessings" were falling out all over the place. It was awkward for all of us, not just for me, but for the other girls as well because her bra and "blessings" were all that the other girls could talk about the entire activity. They kept teasing her all afternoon and she liked it since all the other girls are under 10 and not so "blessed" yet. I seemed to be extra sensitive that day for some reason, and did not want Zach to hear any of this conversation. We talked about it later. He thinks I'm nuts. He was a little overwhelmed with her being so vocal about everything though. I know who he likes and she isn't on his list, at least not today. So, now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable about having her come back. Zach told me I had nothing to worry about, that I raised him to have higher standards than that and to trust him. I told him I would trust him as long as he behaved himself but I didn't have to trust her or any person he choses to hang out with. And, it's my job to keep a VERY close eye on him. I was a teenager once and I know a little bit about the kind of trouble that girls can find to get into. Since I can't undo my past, I am left with using it to torture my children with. Hopefully, it all works out in the end.
In the meantime, I know some of her Young Women leaders read this.....HELP!!!
Wordless (not)Wednesday
I had this one planned all week and then somehow I blinked and totally missed Wednesday so here it is...
Zach turns 13! (When did he get that big?)
Monday was Zach's 13th birthday. Ken and I went shopping on Monday night to see what we could find for a present for him. I have a limit on what I will spend on birthday's and with the little kids it's almost too much money but with the big kids it doesn't cover anything. I wasn't getting him a cell phone, I don't want to pay that much for an ipod and any type of video game system has been outed since we are trying really hard to work on grades this year. So we were stumped and went home with nothing. I asked him that evening what he wanted for his birthday. He smiled and said "Lots of things, but not anything you can afford." I guess he put me in my place.
Ken picked him up the next day after track and they went shopping together. What he came home with was definitely not what I would have picked out for him. After agreeing to pay his Dad for a portion of it, he came home with a portable DVD player. He is one happy kid. He also wanted an Oreo pie with Oreo ice cream. That I could do!
So, here's 13 things about Zach:
1. He is in 7th grade. (AHH, I have a kid in Jr. High!)
2. He has joined the cross country team over at the Jr. High this year. Since he is attending the charter school and they don't offer sports, we pick him up after school and take him over to the Jr. High each day so that he can participate with that schools team. His school gets out about 45 minutes before the Jr. High does so it's been a slight pain for me but he loves it so I suppose it's worth the inconvenience!
3. He has become very social this year. His confidence level is so high. He seems to have no problem being friendly to everyone.
4. He has his dad's natural curly hair. Every time I cut it, it comes back in curlier.
5. He loves to play the electric guitar. I really need to get him in lessons but for now he just hauls his guitar and amp to school (along with his lunch box, trapper keeper, and backpack!) 3 days a week.
6. He enjoys performing in front of people. His dance class in school last year helped teach him a little but when he spent the last 3 months preparing for the youth temple performance he really decided that was alot of fun. I don't know how much he'll continue with "dancing" but he enjoys being the center of attention.
7. His favorite sports are still basketball and baseball but he has added track to this list.
8. He is the deacon's quorum president in our ward.
9. He spent the entire summer reading Twilight and mowing my lawn. He had hopes of working out in Rupert on Grandpa's farm but with the youth celebration to prepare for each week, I made him stick around here for the summer. He'll be gone soon enough. I was thankful for one more summer!
10. He enjoys helping other people, especially his YM leaders. I likes the responsibility and the opportunity to interact with other people, and he really likes his YM leaders so I think he'd do anything they asked.
11. His electives in school this year are Creative Writing, Publishing(the school's year book, newpaper, and web page), Instruments, and Specialty Art(which is, according to Zach, full of more "special" art things than the regular 7th grade art class).
12. He has allergies to things outside, which we knew, but this month we discovered his allergies trigger his asthma. He would come home from cross country coughing and almost in tears because it hurt so bad to breathe. I took him in to the doctor and he put him on an inhaler. The first day he used it, his coach asked him where he had been hiding his energy button. Now he can't seem to run far enough or hard enough. Apparently, breathing is a pretty important part of running.
13. And finally, his favorite book series is still Harry Potter, though Twilight may have moved into a close second. I have been thrilled to just see him reading.
Happy Birthday Zach! We love you!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Bye, Bye Binkie
This week we said good bye to this:
We lost them all I decided I wasn't going to buy anymore. Henry is 18 months. It's time to be a big boy! He also is not talking at all so before I consider outside help, I want to see if pulling this out of his mouth changes things at all. Now we see lots of this:
And hear lots and lots of this:
He was really attached. He is learning how to console himself in other ways now and he is slowly learning that he really can live without his plug. It's been a really rough week though!
I'm really missing this silly little boy:
This is as close to a smile as we have come in over a week.
Is it worth it?
Helpy?
KATE: Mom, can I help you?
ME: Sure! (I hand her a bag of groceries to take in the house) Wow, Kate! You are such a great helper.
KATE: I know! It's because I'm helpy and strong.
ME: Helpy and strong?
KATE: You know, in our prayers we ask Heavenly Father to make us helpy and strong?
ME(laughing a little): Your prayers are working then aren't they.
KATE: Yep!
ME: Sure! (I hand her a bag of groceries to take in the house) Wow, Kate! You are such a great helper.
KATE: I know! It's because I'm helpy and strong.
ME: Helpy and strong?
KATE: You know, in our prayers we ask Heavenly Father to make us helpy and strong?
ME(laughing a little): Your prayers are working then aren't they.
KATE: Yep!