Dodging a Memoir tag....for now

A long, long time ago, I was tagged by Carrie. I was to do my own 6 word memoir.

This has proven to be a really hard tag for me to do because it means that I have to think about myself and, while some of you may find this hard to believe, this is a really hard thing for me to do. I don't really like who I am right now. I still am not ready to do this tag, but I think about it often, and someday I will do it.

I have a lot of guilt. I feel guilty for the things I don't do. I feel guilty for the things I do do. My goal is to learn to live my life guilt-free.

This doesn't mean I want to ignore my conscience and not care about my choices. It just means that I want to be okay with who I am and not feel the need to justify or apologize for my actions and choices to anyone, especially to me. I really am my hardest critic and I want to change that around and become my biggest fan. I don't know how though.

When I was a child, I dreamed of all the wonderful things I would do when I grew up. I would be kind and spiritual and strong. I would be confident and brave and smart. If I get the chance to live a long life, then my life is almost half over. It not, then I have even less time and honestly, at this point in my life, I wouldn't use any of those words to describe myself.

Am I where I want to be right now?
Do I know where I want to go from here?
Am I even headed in the right direction?

I woke up the other night with the Serenity Prayer going through my head. OKAY, actually, I was dreaming about shopping and the poem went something more like this,
Grant me the serenity to buy what is needed,
the courage to not buy what is not needed,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
(Please tell me I'm not the only one with this problem!)

After I woke up enough to figure out that I was making that one up, my thoughts turned to the original serenity prayer, which I absolutely love. I think it gives me the hope that I can change and become better.

God grant me the Serenity to

accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

and Wisdom to know the difference.


I have often solved my problems by taking the Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With the Wind approach, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

Today, I am Marion Paroo, the Librarian from Music Man and Professor Harold Hill keeps telling me,

"You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you have nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays."

So, tomorrow maybe my 6 word memoir will be something great and amazing, but as for today, well, I'm trying to figure out how to work out all my kinks. And when I stop looking at myself and look at all the good that surrounds me, I'm not in too bad of shape after all.

What about you? Do you have a 6 word memoir?

(Okay, what I'm really dying to know is: Do you have any old movie quotes taking over your brain?)

CAUTION!

Something stunk upstairs. Every time I went up there I about puked, it smelled so bad. I opened windows and turned on ceiling fans, hauled laundry downstairs and emptied garbage's. Finally, today, I decided it was time to stop putting off the inevitable and dive in and deep clean. This means that I ignore my kids all day, I cuss their messy habits and I throw away lots and lots and lots of things, but when I'm done, their rooms sparkle and they love it.

I had made it through all the bedrooms and the family room and I just had all the little piles of things that really have no place left to sort through when the kids brought Henry in from playing outside. He was screaming and his legs were stiff. Not a good sign. Upon inspection, I found burns all down his legs from his dirty diaper that should have been changed hours ago but apparently none of the kids watching him could smell it. I started to pour him some bath water when Zach came up stairs covering his eye and crying really hard. He's 12! He doesn't cry like that very often. I asked him what was wrong. He ignored me and cried louder. Henry was now in the tub also crying very loudly. Kate came in and tugged on my leg. I ignored her and shouted at Zach to tell me what was wrong and what in the heck was he doing with his eye. He told me that Justyn had poked it with his finger and that he couldn't see and it felt like it was bleeding. I pulled his hand away, no blood. I yelled for Justyn to come here immediately and told Zach to go lay down. Kate was still tugging on my leg. I told her to stop. Henry was throwing stuff everywhere in the bathroom and throwing a really loud fit. Zach was still crying really hard. Justyn came running. I yelled at him and asked him why he poked Zach in the eye. He said it was an accident and he was so sorry and that he would go to bed now. I was still yelling and told him to stop thinking about himself and to worry about Zach's eye. Then Justyn started to cry and I told him to stop crying and help me out by finishing Henry's bath while I checked out Zach's eye. Oh, and I added, still yelling, "what was he thinking and that he really needed to learn to control his temper." Ha! I obviously practice the "do what I say and not what I do" type of parenting. I stopped yelling for a moment and took a deep breath only to realize that Kate was still tugging on my leg. "Kate! What do you need?" "I need to tell you something. Listen to me!" she demanded. Another deep breath,"Okay, what?" "There is a lady downstairs that needs to talk to you. She is from my Primary class. Hurry! She's been waiting a long time."

If I didn't have time to breath before, now time stood still as I stood at the top of the stairs reviewing the last 5 minutes of total chaos. NICE! Nothing like having a really bad mommy moment and having someone, not family or even friend, there to witness it all. I thought, "How do I enter the room? What do I say? Where is the closest exit? And what happened to the rule of NOT opening the doors without Mom's permission?" I was dying!


I grabbed a handful of stuff, as much as I could carry. I might as well look really, really busy and hope that she is suddenly distracted by all the stuff in my arms and forgets that she had just heard me screaming my head off and saying really terrible things to my kids. I went downstairs.....and no one was there. I was hugely relieved and suddenly hoped that Kate had made it all up. No luck! Shaelynne said that, yes, Sister B had come over to talk to me and that Kate had let her in the house. She was in the house for a few minutes but then she quietly snuck out the door and said that it seemed like maybe I was a little busy and that she would just call me later.

GREAT! Not only did she witness it all but then she left before I could even defend myself.

Well, all I can say is "It's my house! Enter at your own risk!!!"

I think I'll go read a good parenting book now. Any suggestions? I have one called How To Behave So Your Children Will Too. Maybe I'll start with that one.



OH, P.S. The stinky smell was 2 old moldy, yucky lunch bags. One was Zach's and one was Justyn's. We have several lunch bags so these two were not missed. They couldn't even remember when they had packed these lunches. Justyn was happy though because he did find his lost, forgotten popcorn ball. And then just to prove how gross he really is, he ate it. Funny how my dinner's are too gross to eat but an ancient popcorn ball isn't.

Wordless Wednesday

Taking tests and setting goals

So I'm thinking I'll start back to school in the fall. My goal is to finish my degree by the time I am 40! My other deadline is to not be in college when my kids are in college. AHHH! Did I really just say that? It's not that far away.

In order to take classes, I had to go take the college entrance test, called the COMPASS test. It's a test to place you in the right core classes. Since I have been out of high school for 16 years and out of college for 15 years, I was very scared of how I would score. So was the lady I talked to on the phone before I got there. She wanted me to study and make sure I was prepared before I took it. I just wanted to get it done before I chickened out or thought of another excuse to put it off for another 15 years.

So, here's my scores: Mathematics
Pre-Algebra-57
Algebra -56
I was stressed over this test. I stared at those square root signs and couldn't find anything in my brain to help me out. I used to do okay in math. It was scarey that nothing came out. I placed in Intermediate Algebra which is equal to the college algebra class I took years ago at USU so I'm really not in too bad of shape. At least I don't have to go back and do the no-credit classes.

Reading
Standard Reading-98 (out of 99! SWEET!)

Writing
Standard Writing-90 (out of 99....I'll take it!)

The Advisor was so shocked. I was too. I credit my smarts to blogging. I may not come across as the brightest mom on the web but there is a little going on in my head and blogging keeps it moving. I haven't lost everything yet.

So, after that fun little outing, it was off to talk to the counselor for the 4 year program I'll transfer to after I get my associates degree. (CSI is just a two year college but BSU, ISU and U of I all bring in 4 year degrees so I can do it all here.) I was worried about my age. She reassured me that I would be the baby on the block. The average age in the program is 42 so I should do just fine. COOL! The good news is I can do almost ALL of my first two years at home here on the internet. Tomorrow I go back to finish up my financial aid and register for my classes. I'm a little scared....okay, ALOT scared!

I'm pretty excited to think that I may actually make it to this goal. I know, I haven't even started yet, BUT I'm closer now than I was last week, and I think I may have actually decided what I want to be when I grow up. Well, maybe. I guess I'm not holding my breath yet. I've been known to change my mind a time or two in the past. There's just so much I want to learn that I have no idea what to focus on. How did you pick your degree?

Fun Facts about Henry

Henry was tagged by Annika over at Momville. So, here's some fun things about Henry.

1. His latest love is wearing his sunglasses. He runs around and screams and acts so silly until he falls on the floor. I'm sure it doesn't help that we all sit around and laugh at him and encourage his goofy behavior.





2. Most days he can be found sporting the naked body, dirty face and saggy diaper look. He usually looks unloved but that is far from the truth. He just always manages to find a mess and then become the mess.



3. He loves to play rough. The rougher the better! and if it's with Dad or a brother, it doesn't get much better than that. He's as big as everyone else. Just try to convince him that he's not.

4. Sometimes the big boys do play a little too rough though. Don't you love his sweet baby look? And that tear?

5. He has to investigate everything and using a stick makes the life of a small boy so much more fun. The good thing is that he doesn't use the sticks to hit with....not yet, anyways.

6. He never stops from the moment he gets up until he finally falls asleep exhausted. Today, Ken pointed out that Henry was walking down the stairs all by himself. He's only 15 months old! I had to look away in order to control my gasps and not break his concentration. He was so fast that it actually looked like he was running. Yesterday I caught him on the piano keys trying to figure out how to get up on top of the piano. We have an upright so that is a long ways up. He's fearless and loves a challenge.

7. He loves his Daddy.



8. He always has a binky in his mouth and he's famous for staring people down with his interrogating big black eyes.

9. Give him a binky and lay him on the sheets in my bed and it doesn't take long for him to go out. He thinks he's in heaven. He still melts my heart when he sleeps. Snotty nose and all.

And that's my baby boy! He's growing up way too fast!!!!

Now, I tag your baby. Share some things that are fun about the little (or not so little) baby in your family.

And the winners are:

I had 4 helpers that wanted to draw names today and how do I pick only 3 so we have an extra winner! And since I know all of the winners (3 of them are my sisters and one is a close friend) I already know how to find you.


Thanks everyone for playing. I'm dying that not everyone could win.

Pay-it-forward's are always fun so feel free to host your own contest. If not, check out these 4's blogs in the near future for more chances to win!

Now, I'm off to figure out what you just won.....

Finally!!!

Today is the first day to go get your tickets for the Twin Falls temple Open House. Go here to request them. And if you need a place to stay, you're always welcome to stay here. We'll have a party! So, go get your tickets.