Hubby and I were grocery shopping yesterday and my cart was VERY full. We saw a man that works with my hubby. He was also shopping with his wife and son. As we visited with them for a moment, the little boy, about 8 or 9 was very amazed at how much food was in my cart. I told him that I have 6 kids to feed. He said that he had never heard of a family that big before. He knew of a big family with 4 kids but never a family with 6 kids. A few minutes later we were standing in the checkout line and the man in front of me turned around, looked at my cart and just about fell over. He asked if I was stocking up for something. I told him no, I was doing my 2 week shopping for my family. He asked how many were in my family and when I told him I that had 6 children, he laughed and said that he doubted that I had enough food to last for 2 weeks with that many mouths to feed. (Turns out he is also someone whom my husband works with. Maybe there's a pattern here....) So, in case you've ever visited my blog or know me in person and wondered why I have 6 children, this is my story.
I grew up in a family of 10 children. I was the oldest of 7 girls and 3 boys. There are 14 years between me and the youngest. We drove a big
blue and white van that seated 12 people and all of my friends called it the "baby bus." My parents owned a small dairy farm so we grew up on a small income but we had lots of room to run and scream and play! We had to milk and feed the cows, feed the baby calves, we moved had lines in the summertime and we learned to hoe sugar beets, pick rock, drive tractors, stack hay, and other farm chores. (My poor dad really need 7 boys instead of girls!) My dad ran the farm and my mom ran the milking. It seemed like as the oldest child, I was always in charge of the little ones while my mom was working. I started to act out around Jr. high and it was all down hill from there. By the time I left home, I felt like I had already done my share of babysitting and cleaning and hard work and I was going to go to college and get a degree in something feminine and I would hire all the work to be done while I spent my time pampering myself, eating out in expensive restaurants and shopping for fabulous clothes. Having a big family meant work and sacrifice and I wanted nothing to do with that kind of life.
I went to college to study interior design. I was so intimidated because
I the only thing I knew was how to work on a farm. I even took a career placement class and the results told me that I should be
a farmer,
a dairy man, or run a daycare. So, I showed them. I dropped out of school!
I met my husband the summer of '94 and we were married a week after I turned 20. From that moment on the only thing I wanted was a baby. Z was born 2 weeks before I turned 21. It only seemed natural that he needed a sibling and since I was planning out my life, I chose a brother. 18 months later J was born. PERFECT! I had my 2 boys. Now I needed a girl. S was born 25 months later while Hubby was in school. In the summer break of 2000, Hubby did an internship in CA for Smuckers so we packed up our little red
grand prix and headed south. While we were there, I had a dream. I was chasing after a little blond haired boy. It was so real. I woke up and told Hubby my dream. He laughed at me and said, I just had a dream about a baby also but it was a little girl with short light brown hair. What? So, 23 months after S was born, along came A. Now I had the perfect little family, 2 boys and 2 girls and I was only 27 years old. Hubby had his degree, a job, we finally bought our first house, now it was time to pay off debt and start getting ahead. I was teaching piano lessons, homeschooling my older 2 and life was good. I told Hubby we just had to have one more to get my little boy here. In all seriousness he looked at A and said, that's not the little girl from my dream though.
I had always wondered how I would know though when I was
done having kids. I didn't want to forget anyone, you know, like in the movie Saturday's Warriors! So, a few months later, I was once again pregnant! I was so sick and gaining weight so fast. I went in at 7 weeks and sure enough, I was pregnant and a little big. I was so exhausted with all that was going on, I didn't have the energy to be so wiped out. I was not really thrilled at all about being pregnant again and I was very ungrateful in my prayers. I had a really bad attitude but I knew this was the only way to get that little boy here and I knew he was coming so I would survive. Then one night it was all over. I felt so good. I went in to the doctor at 11 weeks. He couldn't find a heartbeat so he sent me over immediately to the hospital for an ultrasound to check my dates. No big deal, in fact, it kind of
seemed like a waste of time. I knew this was my little boy! I had seen him many times since in my dreams. As they started the ultrasound they got really excited. I was by myself, since Hubby was working. They showed me that there were actually two babies. There they were. Perfect little baby shapes. I could see their eyes and mouths and hands and feet. They were in two separate sacks so they were not identical. I instantly felt fear. This wasn't in the plan. I was having a boy! ONE BOY! I already had 4 kids at home. I couldn't do this. As fast as all those thoughts of panic went through my head, the techs in the room suddenly became more serious. They couldn't get a heartbeat on either baby. This made no sense to me. I knew that my baby boy was coming and if another tagged along for the ride, well, the more the merrier, right? Everything became a blur after that. They did some more measurements and then sent me back over to the doctor's office for further instructions. I called Hubby from a pay phone in the hospital. I told him the news. We had lost BOTH of our babies. I cried, ALOT! My little boy was gone. What had happened? And his little sibling that was coming with him was gone also. I had lost them both! But why? Did I pray them away? Was I being punished for being so ungrateful? I had been on an IUD for the last 2 years. Was this a punishment for using birth control? I needed some answers, anything to help me make sense of this double loss.
The doctor sent me home to wait for the miscarriage to happen. I walked around feeling like I was a cemetery. I knew the babies were gone and yet they were still inside me. I was so sad! Finally after 3 weeks, the doctor scheduled a D and C. Hubby's cousin was actually scheduled to work that day in our surgery so when it was over I asked her about it. She said that they were perfect little bodies. They had died about a week apart from each other so the one was a little more decomposed than the other. For her it was probably just another surgery, but for me, she got to witness my babies existence and I wanted to know everything! During those few weeks while I tried to make sense of everything, I remember one night I was downstairs putting my other kids to bed and I was kneeling by A's bed waiting for her to fall asleep. I took advantage of this time to pour my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I had this amazing calmness come over me. I knew that my prayers were heard. I felt very strongly that the Lord was pleased with my choice to have a family and that I had done enough but that I had 2 more children that I could CHOOSE to come to my family, my baby boy and Hubby's baby girl. It was my choice. They were all my choice! At that moment I was able to get a glance into my future and I knew that it would be very hard on my body physically and emotionally. I would really struggle but that it was completely up to me to choose or NOT to choose those other 2 children. I had already seen my son so there was no doubt in my mind that I would choose him. As for the girl, well, if it worked out, then sure. She could come also.
In order to help heal my grief, I immediately was blessed to become pregnant
again. Only I knew right from the beginning that this one was Hubby's baby girl. K was born 2 months after A turned 3. She was born at 40 weeks. My water broke but I never went into labor. I went to the hospital and they decided to start me. Just as they hooked me up, her heart rate dropped to 25 bpm and it was a rush to get her here alive. She was born at 5 lbs. 6 oz. by emergency c-section. She was so much smaller than all my other babies and they decided that she had quit growing that last month. I was just so thankful that she was finally here and that she was alive. One month later, I had my 10 year anniversary and I turned 30. 5 kids in 10 years and done by the time I was 30. Sounded good to me! I didn't know how much more I could handle.
We decided to try to get ahead a little so we sold our home and moved into a little trailer house to manage some storage units while we saved our money to buy a bigger home and pay off some debt. I still had one more choice to make. Could I do one more pregnancy? I wasn't sure. I was getting so tired and I struggle with depression alot so to put my family through this one more time would be a huge sacrifice. I decided that I would give baby boy one more chance to come. One month after we moved, I found out I was pregnant. The next 9 months were awful! I knew that this was definitely my last time and I was so relieved to find out he was a boy. He was born 30 months after K at 8 am c-section and I had them tie my tubes at the same time. When they held him up over the blue sheet, I was so shocked. He had blond hair!
Hubby brought him over to me and I kissed his head, and then I started puking. I didn't know if I would have the energy to love this kid. I was so wiped out from the pregnancy but Heavenly Father has a plan that is far better than mine and he knew how to bond me to my baby. I didn't see him again until 6 o'clock that night because he ended up in the NICU. He had an infection in his lungs so I had to go to him instead of him coming to me. That was the first time I left the hospital after a delivery without a baby. I returned every 3 hours to feed him. I didn't want to miss one single chance to be with him. I had been dreaming of him for 7 years! 11 months later, he is still a little blondie and he toddles all over the place, just exactly like in my dreams.
So, why do I have 6 kids?
It's all H's fault! He let his 2 sisters crowd in front of him. And if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would choose every single one of them, in exactly the same order! (I may choose a new body for me though!)
And that's my story!
