I was so excited to open a big yellow envelope that came in the
mail the other day. It's Christmas time and who doesn't love to get packages in the mail. The package was from a friend who lives here in town. I had very mixed feelings about what I found inside: an
instructional dance DVD and a
water bottle and a Christmas card! About a year ago, I had loaned her a DVD for her
home school and one of my kids had forgotten a water bottle at her house. Throughout this past year I have seen her occasionally at the store and we've sent email fwd:'s back and forth but nothing really personal. As I looked at the contents she had sent, I could hardly believe they were worth the $2.49 that she had paid to ship them. I know that her life is VERY busy and it's hard to make an extra trip across town and I am thankful that she thought about mailing them or it may have been another year before one of us got around to making the effort to get together. Don't get me wrong here. I really appreciate her thoughtfulness and her effort to return the items.
I have really been thinking
alot since though about what relationships and people and our time are really worth. I thought about how much I really do miss visiting with my friend but as our lives have gone different directions this last year, so has our friendship.
I have read many stories about days long ago where family's would spend the holiday evenings traveling by horse and sleigh or wagon to go visiting neighbors, friends, and families to bring them gifts and share homemade treats and just spend time with one another. Our lives seem to go by us in fast motion and we either go with it or we get left behind. But why? We have cars that are warm and fast, we have appliances that are very convenient, we have grocery stores on every corner so supplies are readily available, we have unlimited recipes and gift ideas at the touch of our fingers through the
Internet, we have telephones, cell phones, pagers,
Internet, etc. so we can reach anyone, anytime, anyplace. It's so easy to stay in contact with people now. So why do I feel so alone and like such a failure?
I have really struggled with my own Christmas Spirit for the last several years. I want to enjoy Christmas like I did when I was a child. I loved spending hours staring at the lights on the tree and I really loved it when my mom would let us sleep under the tree (but not on Christmas Eve!) The homemade ornaments were so beautiful and so loved. The excitement of finding and wrapping that one perfect gift for our family gift exchange. Answering the doorbell and seeing a neighbor bringing homemade goodies. YUM!!! Delivering our own homemade treats to neighbors and singing song after song out in the cold because we loved to sing together. (Our poor neighbors!) I loved Christmas Eve and reenacting the Christmas Story and singing Christmas Carols for hours with Grandma's and Grandpa's and all our family. My favorite was getting up on Christmas morning and seeing how beautiful the tree looked, knowing that Santa had been up all night making everything perfect so that my first glimpse of Christmas would be timeless. The anticipation of opening gifts, one at a time so that we could all enjoy each others gifts and then spending the rest of Christmas break playing in the snow!!
Now my Christmas Season is spent stressing over making sure that every child isn't
disappointed with their gifts, but that I don't spend too much on one child and not enough on the other, and that the gifts are pretty even in number so that no one feels cheated out of a present while trying to stay within a reasonable budget. It seems to take days to get all the decorating done and then I worry constantly about something getting broken or someone getting hurt. By the time I make goodies for all the neighbors and then get them delivered, I am exhausted and what I pictured being this wonderful family tradition has turned into an unpleasant family outing that everyone avoids. I do not like to wrap presents anymore. I worry about all the extra little costs that end up being spent like tape and wrapping paper and bows. I can never make the presents under the tree look beautiful for Christmas morning, and by Christmas morning, I'm so exhausted that I just want to sleep the rest of the day. Then all the weeks of careful preparation takes 20 minutes to undo and then it seems I'm left with cleaning up, throwing away and cooking for the rest of the day. By the time it's all over, I almost hate
Christmas and I'm happily looking forward to Valentine's Day.
I want to slow my life down and take the time to enjoy this holiday season. I want to make people feel that they are important to me. I want my children to love Christmas like I did when I was a child. I don't know how to do all the traditional things that I really love doing but take out MY stress so that we can all enjoy the spirit of Christmas. Is that possible? I know that Christ is the true spirit of Christmas but how do I find that balance as a mother? What do you do to keep the holidays in perspective?
Each year the kids get a new ornament from K and I that represents them that year in some way. I love this tradition because then my tree is full of memories of my kids. We love to get out each ornament and talk about it and what it meant about that child the year it was received. The plan is to give the ornaments to the kids when they leave home so that they have their own beginning set of ornaments. Sounds like a nice thing to do for them, EXCEPT that I LOVE the ornaments. How will I ever let them go?
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